One summer when I was in my early twenties I nannied two boys. One was 5 and the other 2 almost 3. The two year old boy was almost as tall as his 5 year old brother. He was a fun, sweet, energetic and intelligent 2 year old.
I enjoyed taking the boys places. Especially the 2 year old. However, on these outings, I noticed something that bothered me a bit. For some reason people were not as warm and friendly to my 2 year old client as they were to his 5 year old brother. It was especially curious to me because the 2 year old was, baseline personality wise, much nicer than his brother. In fact, (and I almost hate to admit this because, especially with kids, this happens very rarely with me) his brother often rubbed me the wrong way. He was kind of sneaky and conniving by nature. He was often moody and brooding and not super pleasant to be around and often he would do things to intentionally hurt his younger brother. He was much harder to deal with and yet when we were out, people would dote on him much more than they would his younger brother.
It was a strange phenomenon to me so I started really paying attention and I am fairly certain I figured out the discrepancy. Younger brother was tall and broad in a very athletic looking way and if you didn't know he was only two you would think he was much closer in age to his thin and average height brother than he was. People seemed to think he was older than he was, so when he would talk or act like a two-year-old they were immediately be put off by his actions.
I have since observed this phenomenon and similar happening with other children. My own daughter was not tall when she was 3 but she was very articulate and highly intelligent, to the point that one of her baby-sitters thought she was 5 or 6. In this scenario people would extra dote because of her high intelligence but the flip side is when she would act her age it was harder to be patient with her and even I would often expect her to understand things better than her physiological development would allow her.
I have a nephew who is prodigy level intelligent, -he knew his numbers up to 20, his colors better than most adults, like magenta, indigo, etc, all of his letters by name, sight, and sound, and much more all by age 2- he knew all his states and a significant number of countries by name, shape, and their capitols by age 4. Egypt was his favorite which is what he decided to be for Halloween that year. He even knew more about the country than most adults, like who it's ruler was and what type or government he ruled in. Now he is big into elements, but he is also still just a little boy who has tons of energy and behaves in ways that are developmentally normal and appropriate for his age. However, because of his ridiculous capacity to learn and understand significantly above what is normal at that age he is often perceived as manipulative and deviant. Which to some extent is accurate but may simply be due to his very advanced intellect being stuck in a now 6 year old body. He is not developmentally capable of the expectations people have of him while he far exceeds others.
Kids like this confuse people.
And this is kind of how both TBI and "mental illnesses" can be. I have noticed that the more intelligent, resourceful, adaptive, and even attractive a person is, it seems they are less likely to get accurate diagnosis. Or even diagnosis at all.
Couple that with symptoms that are considered shameful, inappropriate, embarrassing, etc and those who really do need help have been conditioned to hide the very symptoms that would alert providers to their need for help and medical intervention.
It is hurting my heart seeing how common this is and how deep the stigmas go.
I hardly ever used to talk about my TBI. Very off and on would I ever talk about things like depression and anxiety. I rarely would admit the hypomania. But I did learn how to navigate them and manage all of it. I had it so well managed I had even forgot some pretty significant parts of my life.
But the second hit to my head made me realize just how profoundly that first TBI had effected me and even how I was perceived by others.
I confuse people.
I even used to confuse myself. But knowledge is power and so is accurate diagnosis.
Now I talk about TBI all the time. I talk about what happened to me at and because of the Neuroscience Institute. I share far too much far too soon and I know this is risky because people will often judge. They usually have some form of prejudice, preconceived notions, and fallacies of thinking toward my conditions and people with my conditions. It is a huge societal problem.
Which is exactly why I do talk about it too much too soon now.
In so doing I have found surprising forms of validation, especially in finding how much more common some of the TBI problems I have had are. AND I have been able to help so many people already, sometimes in small ways and other times in big and meaningful ways. Last week a girl I had a conversation with in the park over and year ago and some followup text conversations, sent me an out of the blue thank you for a simple tip that has helped her significantly. I am so grateful for moments like that. I want to keep helping people who are struggling with problems that can be often rather easily treated if we, as a society, would shift our thinking, expectations and how we treat people who are struggling with very real physical health problems that effect behavior.
TBI is being treated far too carelessly and unfairly and it is far too misunderstood even, and maybe especially, by the medical providers.
People with mental illnesses or behavior problems are being treated with far too much skepticism, pessimism, and distrust which ultimately feeds those traits in the person who is struggling (Zootopia illustrates this nicely) and people far too often have nowhere truly constructive to turn to. Tests are not being done by providers, to often simply labeled, medicated and released. So when I talk if it happens to be a person who has or has had a friend or family member in one of my boats or similar, even if they will label and judge me, they usually find some solace, validation, and/or informational/educational value to our conversation. Those who find none of that usually at least find some entertainment value and even that, to me, is a bonus I am willing to give.
So I'll keep compromising myself and keep talking and I'll keep hoping...
And now that this off my chest maybe I can settle on just one topic for my psy 3500 research project...
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