Off-putting and processing.

Off-putting.
That is the word a friend used to describe some of my... behaviors? today in a conversation. I can tell you that not all that long ago that very part of our conversation would have been too painful for me to hear. Not because I don't think that I am, but rather because I know that I am or can be. This is something I have struggled to understand about me for a very long time. I know that I was in some ways or many off-putting with Dr. He and it hurt me so bad that he wouldn't tell me what it was I was doing. It is part of what I was fighting to understand and in my eyes it was part of his job to help me know what it was I was doing so I could learn what I needed to change.
Off-putting comes with the territory of brain injury you see, we are often far too honest and blunt. The paths of our brains don't funnel the same and the creative ways we adapt can seem quite offensive when really they are not at all intended to be.
So this time, my ears perked up and it did not even sting to hear this label attached to me, rather I was glad to hear the honesty. It helps that it was said lovingly from a friend whom I trust and that I know is trying to help me.
Conversation with her, and then working with the adolescent I am academically advising, I am feel the turning of points today.
What is tricky and hard and what I can't quite figure out, but apparently is off-putting, is that I am still  somewhat attached to damned Dr. He even when I think that I am really not. So this is off-putting and maybe also the anger in the word that proceeded his name.
Some friends have related to me by connecting this to boyfriends of the past, and I have myself done that to help remind me of how wounds will heal. But the real problem is he was never my boyfriend (though I have on occasion sarcastically referred to him as that) he was my therapist and a crucial medical provider for me.
So I am not sure if this honesty now is off putting but I would like to continue to process.
As my therapist and medical provider, one with expertise that I have needed since I was 12, I became his problem the moment he choose this profession, so it becomes rather complex for my brain and apparently my body/physiology when he rejects and denies me his attention and services because he may have developed misguided feelings for me.
It was not me that could not work through whatever it was I was feeling. It was he. And because he refused to see or covered it to protect himself I was sent to a much worse off place and this does stir in me anger. An anger that is off-putting?
So what do I do about it and how do I handle the medical malpractice that then spiraled out of control with his associates who happened to be the "right" place and "right" people that simply did not want to serve me any longer because of their own paranoia.
Is this public shaming of a woman for a mans indiscretions? It certainly seems like it is.
There lies in this story so many hot ticket items of the kind that no one likes to speak of.
Regardless, off-putting and vulnerable I am learning how to stand up for myself. And maybe I am choosing to no longer be so sweet that I will simply continue to turn the other cheek when I know that others are also suffering in sweet, kind, sympathetic, self-destructive silence. Countertransference another hushed hot ticket item.
I hope my friends like this friend keep offering help and guidance and I hope that as others listen they will also see that even people like me deserve to be protected and guarded from the lies of ethically discarded.