Actions speak loudly. So does neglect and stonewalling

I'm still dragging my feet...
and I am sad and scared
I am sad because of all of it
I am scared because I don't know what to expect from myself and what is realistic for me. I am scared because my brain and chemistry got so very messed up and I felt it so very intense for so long but I was ignored and disregarded and punished, branded and vilified for being honest and managing or presenting well when I was quite broken. For doing exactly what the therapist are hoping to help people accomplish.
I am scared because I know mental illness does not get better with age. I am scared because I have been so discarded and disregarded by the professional that should know how to handle me.
I am scared because my brain still malfunctions.
I know I am not alone and I am likely better off then even the completely stable because I am so aware of my holes and my flaws. I will be able to see the breaks and crises's coming as I age, when for them it will come as a surprise with little experience to know how to manage.
So that is a good thing for me.
But what do I do about the professionals that abused? I think I can't just let this slide, because new dear friends of mine almost died... from similar neglect, stigmatizing and misdiagnosis.
But tired this battle makes my head.
and tired so many other things also
so slow I will continue to go
not knowing what and why
but proceeding with what was laid out
I am sad to say that they treated me that way because it really makes it appear that dear Perri was grooming.
I can tell you just how a psychologist might get his patient to take off their clothes without it seeming it was ever their suggestion. I can tell you this because I did not but from what I have read and what I have experienced and then the way that he hid and manipulated to make it look as though I was pursuing. The patient advocate, **, (I will refrain from adding the not so nice adjectives that I feel right now) said that I am "quite creative" but the thing is (and if you have seen my art then you know) that I really am not, I was simply relaying what happened. I can tell you how now because I see, with the exception of me, how his words and his actions would work very easily on other women who had head injury and presented the way that I had.
Why am I the exception? For many reasons, but ironically, number one is the very thing he could have banked on to make easy progress; TBI. He forgot or did not realize that mine I have been handling since I was 12 years old. I had worked very hard with, high moral standards, to gain and stay in control of my emotions and inhibitions and part of how I do that is by talking and being far too open and honest in the places I know it won't be missed (email, in this case). I have also always been easily comfortable with men and, broken the way I was from relationships and neglect, I did not perceive myself as a women that men would find attractive enough to act on. Which could have made me a more prime target yet also could be why his plans backfired, I internalize and accept responsibility blaming myself for far too much far too often, so by bringing to light just how I had broken I brought to light his transgressions without even knowing I was...
Sadly it is a possibility that at this point should not be disregarded.... I know because no one who loves you and is supposed to be your protector, not because of personal but professional obligations, would ever treat a person or allow a person to be treated the way that I have been treated.... I also know because how I was effected. Some stuff I have not shared here and maybe with nobody, because it is to profound, wrong, and confusing.
And I hate that I am going to have to keep remembering and telling myself these things to make it through this final stretch and make sure they are somehow help accountable.
No one should ever have to endure the months of crazy, abuse, neglect, hurt, and unstable when the problem and solution could have been addressed so simply and easily at the beginning but was not simply because they did not want to admit or be held accountable for their mistakes.