Yesterday I wrote three entries and this is interesting because my intensity/chemistry has settled significantly, which historically (in the last 11 months of this blog) only has happened on days that I have felt too intense and the processing was a very needed relief.
I am not sure if yesterday was just more needed then I realized or if the scenarios I was processing seemed significant and important to my rational brain.
I really don't want to analyze it too deeply, all three entries helped me process very quickly things that I am trying to deal with and handle.
But a bit of fill-in might be helpful to followers and the industry of blasphemy itself (or at least those in it that are not actually blasphemous).
Off-putting, I already explained, came form a conversation with a friend but I want it to be very clear that it was simply a term that I grabbed hold of and my brain took artistic liberties with because it seemed to fit in with my processing and something I have long been unable to pinpoint, so the exploration of that word and how it ties to me had little (to nothing) to do with my friend and our conversation.
*side note: today Dr. She and I talked about off-putting and she wanted me to think of the opposite. It'd be something like appeasing and (she suggested) it can even at times be deceiving; so off-putting is often necessary honesty.
I also reached out to one of the people who has much more voice and influence than I and said he disagreed with, "IHC can do what they want." He felt he might be able to help find someone who will hold them accountable. He gave me a number and some hope... but that hope led to the second entry about how difficult it is to proceed.
But then, going onto my email to get that number, I saw that a different lawyer I had reached out to had responded and as I read about how "Unfortunately, as a result of these "tort reform efforts" fewer and fewer people are able to recover for their injuries, and negligent healthcare providers escape responsibility-even in serious cases such as yours."
I am sure the paragraph this is pulled from is a stock answer and who knows if they think anything serious, however I know what I have been through and how I was treated and I know that the patient advocate and the team that had branded me must also have known how easily they would be off the hook, so that really hit hard and I was feeling quite low, again with the feelings of "lets really drive her worthlessness home."
But fortunately their is a God in heaven and at some point yesterday I noticed my Instagram request to the lady I was afraid had lost her battle was answered and my following accepted. So somehow in that hit down I also found a message directly from her and I know that she is still alive, not doing so well, but alive and trying again to heal once again.
The hit was still hard -but good news to ease some - I took once again to blogging and in "Solved" I did just that, lots of solving. I apologize for my language though I am leaving it their because the authenticity of that moment of rapid processing and healing has its place and anger is what pulled me through quickly this time. Okay, that coupled with the miracles of modern medicine.
So there you are, even anger has it's place, just ask the merchants who got thrown out of the temple by the only perfect being who has walked this earth.
And I am glad I do have a team that, though new and a bit confused by the trouble the old stupid teams has caused me, are helping me to keep getting back up.
Knocked down 100 times get up 101!
Oh thank you Chumbawamba
and I think I have to add this song that followed
...because for a moment in time, I am fairly certain this was me and it makes me smile. (but not high)
She's so high
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