hearts and heads and husbands

Hearts and heads and husbands
these things are so hard to keep straight
My heart wants to be there for my cousin
my head says it is impractical
and my husband says he supports whatever decision I make
but my heart doesn't want to use and abuse him -it's impractical and costly at this point-
my head doesn't want to either and my head says it's impractical but still maybe important
and my heart
is treacherous half of the time
it has betrayed me and my husband before
so...
how on earth does a person ever come to a decision on such important matters as
loving ones cousin and hoping for them to feel that love? and to know how cherished they really are in spite of time and distance?
...and yet (and of course) the situation is much more complex than I can explain here or maybe even at all.

Our garbage can doesn't know the answer either.
I could not even beat an answer out of it
but it did not mind the beating at all
I am glad for that massive blue bin
provided to us by the city
it will take a beating and doesn't mind at all.
it even makes a pleasant sound letting me know it is happy to take it.
It probably feels a bit alive as I forcefully kick the complicated and perplexing energy of life into it,
...this big blue inanimate insentient can.

...Last night husband opened up about his anger, confusion, frustration, shame, and betrayal, from the previous months (now about a year) of my treacherous heart...
He has handled it heroic, for sure...
But how does one ever make decisions with a treacherous heart, a brain that breaks, and emotions that feel far too intensely?