Sleep cycles... No, sleep AND cycles

I almost got a good nights sleep last night. Almost. This time it was my shoulder that woke me. I sprained my clavical and some other bone connection in my shoulder the other day teaching snowboarding to the most adventures and daring 4 year old person I have ever met. He was furious with me because I would not take him on the steepest and most difficult runs of our resort. He can neither turn or stop. He was fun to work with, hilarious, and also exhausting, but in an effort to keep him from careening completely out of control and really hurting himself or someone else I took a few falls myself. I am not even sure which fall it was or how one can actually fall in a way that would result in the child's snowboard coming down on ones shoulder or vice verse but I managed it. And now the pain of that wakes me...
Why does sleep evade me in this time of need? What lesson or joke is the universe playing with me?
Oh well. It does make me laugh because the stacking of events that keep me from sleep seems so statistically impossible. But statistics do fail to take into account individuals so there is that.
And my brain just keeps working... Trying to process far too much all at once.
I thought to be done but I think I will defend myself since some people seem to think I should be judged harshly for my reprocessing and/or rumination.
If we look at how people often handle things we will see that many learn very slowly or not at all how to break free of learned and/or natural behaviors that can cause problems for them in the long run. Many people fall into depression and grieve for years, sometimes their lifetime. Obesity is evidence that unhealthy habits are repeated to the detriment of the person. People will excuse and justify their own bad behavior and perpetuate problems often for their entire life.  Most of us take years to acquire knowledge and evolve. I know many people who decide that something is the way it is and will not budge on their belief no matter the evidence even when the belief is causing them harm. It is hard to watch when you care for that person but you eventually learn not to try and explain or help them because they will just fight you on it and your relationship will be damaged. These are very normal and common habits, behaviors and problems.
But those who wish to change, know well the process is slow. It takes time and the process can be very cyclical. In fact the scenario's I described are cyclical. People change and evolve or regress in very cyclical ways. They will cycle through and repeat many of the same things but with small changes each time that eventually turn into the bigger problem or the fix. Understanding and changing can be a slow process. Rarely is it an overnight dramatic change. It may appear that way with some people but even in their cases there was likely some cyclical conditioning prior to the epiphanic change.
So I am cycling. Rapid cycling maybe, but is it "unhealthy" or is that a judgement? Is it unhealthy to let the cycling happen quicker if it wants to? In order to move out of this faster? Often to pack it away is to let it fester. If I try to leave it alone my brain will very naturally slide into its well traveled ruts, thus digging them deeper, and I will be broken again and have to accept that previous beliefs about my worthlessness are in fact confirmed and true. I would rather not. I am already a slow processor and I am "intense" or I feel things intensely. But I am also intelligent, teachable, and tenacious. When I want to learn and I want to change I think it is okay for me to rapid cycle and fight my way out of the condemning situation. And I suppose if I need to, every now and again, I may have to stick up for and defend myself. I may have to fight with others for myself, but I will try to fight fair.
I am cycling, yes. I may or may not get stuck in rumination. But I am cycling up and out and with each rumination I discover something new or find joy in something of value to me so I will excuse myself from anyones cyclical judgements here. Instead I will be happy to share what I have learned through this process and I hope it may help them in the event they choose to drop their judgements and talk with me about it.