letting it be and reprocessing me

It is time to stand on my own two feet.
...Problem is one of them is literally broken... well torn
the tendon is torn and will require surgery to heal or an acceptance of pain and limitations. With acceptance my lifestyle would be limited by pain and the risk of increasing injury.
I will choose surgery and maybe sooner than I was planning because last night that was the pain that kept me up. The pain is increasing with my increased activity... and that increases risk and damage which can result in decreased positive response to surgery.
I have a lot to write and I am not sleeping well anyway, so maybe it is time to schedule that.
Maybe it is wise to give up most of this snowboarding season, which means giving up work (again), to once again heal.
From an automobile accident.
The interesting thing is ... and here is where I may struggle to get my thoughts out clearly...
Push crash
It's been an off and on theme for a long time as I look back and reprocess some of my life and memories.
The car accident definitely heightened that and created new forms. While the initial push crash I was experiencing is not so sever anymore, right now I am feeling a new type of crash as my brain is stronger and healthy enough to now feel some pains it could not handle or process before. My peroneal tendon is crashing on me and my left wrist. My sinuses and some teeth might also be crashing. Sinuses have bugged me much more frequently since, so I don't really call that a crash, mostly just an annoyance. But my teeth that hit hard enough that immediately following I was confident I would end up loosing a tooth are two are acting a bit strange, maybe related to sinuses. Not sure. I have had to take antibiotics for sinus infections 4 times since the car accident of Sept 21, 2017. That may not sound like much but that is about how many times (or more) I have been on antibiotics for sinus infections in the combined total of 39 years prior to said accident. Plus the intermittent colds that have not needed antibiotics... I wonder if my sinuses are crashing?
But mostly my left wrist. I notice it feeling weak and shaky still and the pain also seems to be increasing with use. I have not experienced anything like this in my left wrist before. My right has been broken twice in my life but it does not do the weird shakey thing quite like the left has been doing. Left was the arm that took the blow from the airbag. That and my face are what were in immediate pain. From my shoulder to my hand hurt so bad I was certain something was broken but the insta care doctor, the one who cared more about my husbands thumb he had fixed the month previous than in treating me, found nothing on the X-ray and that was that. When I asked about possible concussion he said "it's possible," kind of blew it off as he concluded "we don't really do anything for that anyway."
Even my husband will tell you he was an ass (to me but not to him)
I wonder if it is because he did not like how he perceived my response to my husbands injury the previous month. The one where I probably seemed cold and distant to my spouse in pain and where I was taking pictures and videos while he stitched. Intuitively I sensed he didn't like how I was handling my husbands pain and suffering but he does not realize that I was providing for my husband exactly what he wants in situations like this. He does not like extra attention or to feel coddled, and he does not need or want to feel my pain for him when he is in so much pain. But he will want pictures and he had actually asked me to take some, though I am fairly certain it was while the doctor was out of the room, and I decided to get my husband the added bonus so I took them while the doctor was working on his thumb.  I did this because I knew husband would like those even better and I value my husband more that the doctors perceived disapproval.
But it would seem that doctor made a judgement about me and when it was my turn, and I needed his medical attention he treated me with the same regard he likely felt I deserved due to his perception of how I handled my husbands pain.
That is my intuition and once again my writing has taken a different direction than I anticipated and I am not sure where it belongs, on blog or my book of reprocessing? But staying true to allowing things to be what they are or turn into I'll go ahead and publish here.  and I'll try again on the push crash theme that I thought would evolve into a radical resolve theme.