Epiphany is that you?

"Maybe, I will really burn this down"
Burn bridges
f*#@ it up on purpose
maybe that is how I can feel like I have some control in my life
if I start intentionally messing things up..
Is that why people do some of the things they do?
a way to gain control when they feel like they have none
a way to gain power when they feel powerless
If everything feels so screwed up anyway
why not take control and start screwing it up intentionally
...before it screws you

aahhh...
this makes sense
I bet this is a common problem
I wonder how much I may have unconsciously done this myself already
"don't you worry about you f*#@ing things up, I've totally got it covered."

and I think I have had this epiphany before
just in a slightly different version
in what often feels like a king of the hill* culture. (*referring to the children's game where you try to knock the king off of the hill to become the king of the hill; become the strongest and the best by knocking others down)

humans are weird
and very fascinating