On last year;
Reprocessing… Maybe it is best not to reprocess any of it. Sometimes as I start to reprocess so many times of feeling like I don’t belong and I identify some of the reasons for that I start to feel that I don’t belong in this world at all. I can feel this in both positive and negative ways.
I am tired again.
I will get surgery on my ankle sooner rather than later because 1. It is hurting too much when I teach and snowboard now which is increasing the risk of further damage and injury. I was able to get away with it last year because I couldn’t and didn’t ride much due to the concussion and the chiropractor was treating. Plus the head and other pains kept me from feeling it as much. But I did feel it because I got really good at riding switch (riding with the opposite foot as the lead foot) from that and the fact that I was already off balance made going switch not nearly as scary. (because it already was scary riding off balance) 2. I am already sleeping so terribly and my brain is a mess because of that so I’d rather not prolong that any longer than I have to because the surgery is likely going to screw that up too. 3. Since writing seems to be what I can and am driven to do right now, I could take advantage of that time for writing. 4. I would like to get all this crap addressed sooner rather than later so I can move on with my life.
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