In the Arms of an Angel

Sometimes still, emotions overwhelm me. I try not to burden my kids with them but I also don't try to hide them and pretend like I am okay. That burdens them in an entirely different way that they don't understand and may blame themselves for. So when I am hit they often see it.
Sometimes we talk about it. And sometimes that is good because they are so sweet, they have insight, and it helps them knowing they are helping someone else.
Today, I was once again hit hard by the realities... and I swear they have hit me a thousand times in a thousand different ways ...leading me to believe I've already got it solved and have worked through all the possible emotions, yet I am still being hit in knew ways even by old revelations. Part of the reason for this is that now I am actually strong enough to see and accept the truths and realities of what was happening and how I was being handled.
Today I had a conversation with my son. I am so sorry and sickened by the feelings I had for a man that broke me and then set me up.
I am sickened by the reality that I was trying to protect him when he was actually doing things to intentionally set me up and make me look bad. When he held all the cards and had all the power he built a fictitious illusion of me and then made sure to document it in my medical records so that later he could accuse me of stalking when I was actually trying to get help while trying to protect him...
My son.
My 14 year old son.
What a beautiful person.
I share a bit of why I am breaking into tears, again, today after having to look through my records in an attempt to get things sorted and fixed -which is proving to be an impossible task because they hold all of the card and they have all of the power.
My son calmly and intelligently tells me about how power hungry and corrupt people can be. He is 14.
We are not overly religious and have stepped back from religion lately. But I am spiritual and I feel concern that I may not be doing a very good job of helping my kids connect with their higher selves, a higher power, and a higher purpose. I mention something about why it is so important to live a Christ centered life, or at least keep him in our hearts.
My son surprises me as he tells me about heaven. He tells me that I will go there automatically because of how I loved and tried to protect those that were causing me harm. He says I have proved myself.
What a beautiful thing to say and the way he did; which was much better then I can and am reiterating. I am so grateful for him. I don't know if he is right and I likely still have plenty of time to progress or digress into either side of my own duality, but on some level I know that he is correct and my very tender heart is taking comfort in knowing that my tenderhearted human peers that have been heartbroken and betrayed by those they love, forgive and try to protect will ultimately find peace and reprieve in the company of the angels that are looking over us and helping us even when we have forgotten them. And in the company of true angels that we already know here, like my son, my daughter, Renée, CP, and so many others...
And today I thank God and Christ for their redeeming grace and for sending Their love to and through my son. And I hope that others may feel that same love coming to and through me because it is meant for them as well.
"Alone we can do so little. Together we can do so much"
-Helen Keller
In the Arms of an Angel - Sarah McLachlan