Arguing Both sides part 2

I am fighting my brain today.
And my emotions.
This is why I am saying goodbye to arguing both sides. The laws are stacked too heavily in favor of the medical institutions and providers for the way I was treated to ever be okay.
Especially because the reality of my condition was very difficult to manage and the realities of my decreased abilities are extremely difficult to accept.
Limitations that are so discouraging.
Losses I have to grieve.
...
Maybe that is what today is; grieving.
I'm battling my brain...that feels survivor guilt and the realities of limitations and losses.

"Life is Pain" Says the Dread Pirate Roberts, who happens to be Wesley.

Grief is not a straight path. It is never over when we think it is.
But worse than that is the TBI consequences. The reality of mood instability. The new and added difficulties with focussing. The impatience and irritability even when I am not irritable or impatient. The expectations that I just can't meet. How hard it can be to process new information. How reading has become difficult. Aging beyond my years.
"You do require more sleep" and "even something as simple as bonking your head on the refrigerator door will cause you significant problems"
There is great power in knowing. There is validation and hope that comes with proper diagnosis. But I suppose that does not entirely take away the reality of the problems you face and the losses you have to grieve.
And no-one who has not been through it themselves can ever fully understand the powerful, profound, and unfair effects being terminated and discarded by a therapist due to countertransference has on a person., especially when you are experiencing transference. If this is simply how it is  handled then that is terrible, abusive, and the system needs to be changed.
Follow that with what happened to me and, Nope, there is no more arguing for the other side.  Doing so I am not being fair or kind to myself.
I am a victim whether I like it or not... and I do not like it, nor do I want to accept it. But
Justifying and excusing them only further victimizes me. There was no good reason for it, especially since they were paid to help and protect me.
I will be strong again and I will keep fighting.
But today I am grieving.
And giving credit where credit is due. To me and my kids and my husband
and to others that have helped me out of that bottomless abyss.