TRIGGERED in a BIG WAY!

https://anchor.fm/dr-timothy-speicher/episodes/Kelsey-Boyer--Professional-Snowboarder--Shares-her-Story-of-Brain-Recovery-egnbse/a-a2morjn

A friend sent me a link to this Podcast.
I start to listen
I had to stop.
I cannot believe how bad I am being triggered by this!!!! I want to type all this in caps except I know that can be annoying to read. But I have to process. I have not been triggered like this is  awhile. I did not think it was even possible anymore. but I am sick. shaky. knotted throat, crying and ANGRY!!!
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY. I cannot escape it and it takes me a bit before I even realize what I am doing; I am irrationally pacing while my hand is trying to pound some sort of solution into my forehead...
I need to process this. I cannot listen right now. Maybe never. But
THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH IS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!
I can't even listen long enough to hear how the story plays out. I am furious. AND I am so angry about the lack of support and help from friends, family and coworkers that I had. I am so angry that I had no-one speaking up for me. I am so angry that this is happening to other people like this lady and like me. It's so bad it is even happening to people who have a voice and some influence. How many more are there, like me, who are nobodies?
I am so ANGRY that the ONE place in this WHOLE DAMNED state that REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER IS DOING THE SAME SHIT AS the doctors who "might not know as well"
At one point her internal voice said, "your brain is bleeding" but then I hear her say, when the professionals told her she was fine she believed them.
SHE GETS IT!!!
When the "experts" tell you that you are fine you believe it even when you know you are not.
SOMEBODY ELSE GETS IT!!!!
She even "seemed fine" and passed their stupid little concussion tests well enough the way I did.
My head feels like it is going to explode now and I am both excited and terrified.
MOSTLY Terrified and also
hurt again
because I am so very alone
no matter how positive I am, no matter how much credit I give.
I have been tooo damn alone in this insane battle for my brain.
When I knew something more was happening. When the institution that could have found this and helped me through it was betraying me because I am of no significance... I was too alone
My friends and family just don't give enough of a shit to help me get the help I need.
They don't care enough to care. And many will even make me wrong just to ease their burden of conscience.
WHAT A FREAKING SHIT SHOW!
And right now, in this moment, I have to be very very careful because I want to blow up on a whole lot of people in a very big way that will only prove them right for being such shitty friends... So why the hell not?
I don't want them or need them!
....
I'm having to work real hard to talk myself out of sending a lot of angry words.
So I suppose I will tell you why the hell not: because it will always hurt and it will never satisfy. They will never care, they will never listen, they have me pegged and nothing I can do will change that. It does not matter to them that I have been literally fighting for my life, my brain, my stability, my sanity, even my family, they don't care and will not see. They will just spread more bad words and be even bigger jerks, justified no matter what I do.
But I know they are not.
And it hurts
a lot
over and over again
but I will not stoop to their level of apathy or ignorant disregard for a person who has been their friend.
Those friends are not likely to read this and if they do I doubt it will change anything but in the event that one or two might, YOUR WELCOME for not blowing up on you or being the pain in the ass you think I am or have even accused me of being. Your welcome for not pointing out how shitty it for a nurse friend that suspected mania, to say things like “I can’t believe your still talking about this” when I come to you for help as it is first  dawnsInt on my manic broken brain that I may have been being groomed and that may have been part of why I was still so screwed up and hung up on things
Your Welcome to all of you that this anger applies to for not blowing up on you and for exposing how shitty you can be.
But  if you are a friend or family that Actually does care please consider reaching out to help me fight this problem that is bigger than just me. Please lend some support where you can to help hold the Neuroscience Institute accountable and to educate the "experts" so that we, people with TBI's, can actually get the help we need before further damage is done AND so that the harm that is being caused by the medical and psychological providers stops!
...and maybe I won't be arguing both sides...  I already tried. I already tried to give them the benefit of the doubt 1000x10 times, but all they have done is use it against me.