If you are following you know that I had a moment where I thought not to argue both sides, however I have learned so much through this wild ride that I would like to fully share what I have learned because I think it important for people to work together instead of against each other as much as we possibly can. I believe it a core value of mine and it is what I was trying for the entire time I was being malpractice on.
So I will argue both sides, which is really an understatement because there are likely far more than two sides to this story which may just be why it became so convoluted when both sides were trying to find a simple or overly simplified solution to a multifaceted problem that is far bigger than just me and my problems.
In other words: this arguing both sides will likely need to be a series (or a book because) there really are so many factors effecting both sides.
To start I would like to state, for the record, I want it to be clearly understood that I know my medical providers made mistakes with me. And not just one, but many.
I believe the providers at the Neuroscience Institute made the biggest and most dangerous mistakes and part of that is because they are considered the experts in the field, at very least they claim to be experts on concussion. Also they have all the providers I really needed there, but they did not refer me to the neurologist there. This is kind of a big deal. Especially with TBI and what I was experiencing and especially as I started manifesting even more significant evidence of possible misdiagnosis or under-diagnosis.
It is clear and their is sufficient evidence that they made mistakes early on and they made mistakes multiple times. Dr. Concussion made significant mistakes and Dr. He made significant mistakes. I first did not think it, then I suspected it, then I came to know it. BUT even once I understood that they had in fact misdiagnosed me and made significant mistakes, I did not feel or want either of them to loose their license or be punished for those early mistakes.
However, after going through what I have it would not be unreasonable, and honestly I believe they probably should, loose their licenses for how I was handled and treated as a result of their mistakes. I believe the entire facility should loose their licenses and credentials for continuing with malpractice, perpetuating numerous forms of harm, and working to cover things up and even to set me up to appear to be things I was not (like stalking), at any cost to me, all in the name of "protecting" themselves, which was never needed. Especially considering their positions of power over me, how heavily the laws are stacked in their favor, how they held all of the cards, AND especially considering how very vulnerable I was.
The only person that needed protection was me.
The only institution that needed protection was my family.
But we did not matter.
....Now you might be thinking, "this does not seem like arguing the other side" and you are correct, so far I am not. In fact my emotions are starting to rise again as I try to reiterate what I tried to tell them a million times, that I had no interest in hiring a lawyer, I was not trying to get anyone into trouble, but that I was just trying to figure out what was going on with my head.
And I will be honest it is very difficult for me to argue the other side devoid of emotion. I will also be honest and tell you that when I try to, as I am now, I find the anger surge because the injustices are so clearly wrong and even so simplistically stupid that it becomes infuriating that these intelligent doctors and professionals are so indoctrinated in their fallacies and errors of thinking that they would act so malevolently toward a person as broken and vulnerable as I was.
Flashback: "I am okay with being wrong," he tells me after I proclaim rather cheerily "I think you are wrong." Myself referring to how things were ending as he was terminating and I was leaving, once again mistakenly empowered by his eluding to countertransference and the dismissing of mania. I did not fully understand what he was wrong about or how wrong he really was, but I knew something was wrong and I knew he was wrong about me in some way. The super powers of mania really are quite spectacular and real to some extent -which is part of why it can be so difficult for people who have experienced it to loose those and be okay with letting them go.
Flash forward again: He was and is clearly wrong and it is not okay or fair to be so wrong about me and then spread those errors to a damaging and defamatory degree all while I really was dealing with so many things like PSTD, mania, and a physically broken brain.
... derailed now, I will confess in my effort to once again give them some sort of benefit of the doubt and show how the corrections could easily be made it is hard not to become triggered, to feel superior, or to loose increasing faith in humanity because they absolutely and stubbornly with no regard for me (their former patient, ally and advocate, even their former number one fan) refuse to even discuss the matter with me.
Sooo it seems, my first attempt to argue the other side, turned into something else. I do hope you can see and understand why. But staying true to letting it be, the processing, even when not so pretty, and rather honest and raw, I will let this be... and call it my Intro.
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