Keep on Keeping on

Yesterday was an easy rough day.

I had physical therapy for my hand at 8:30 am which meant I had to get up at a reasonable time. That is difficult due to medication. Also I did not get to bed early enough nor did I sleep well enough and that did not help. 

Hand physical therapy is always surprisingly exhausting. The myofascial release techniques that Hand Whisperer uses are especially interesting in how I can feel it in my brain. Often my eyelids and head feel heavy and droopy from it. 

Then I got to talk with a parent of a student I work with. It was a good conversation, nothing stressful. 

After that I took my son to his physical therapy appointment. I have developed a casual friendship with one of the ladies that works there so we chatted for a bit. Then I went for a walk/run, while my son was busy with therapy. 

I have not been running as regularly. Mainly because my hip acts up when I do and it bums me out. But yesterday I ran, tackling some hills and while it did feel good the hip did not like it.

Upon returning to collect my son, his therapist gave me an updated and we chatted about that for a bit.

Then it was home and I had intention to get stuff done. 

However, by then, my head was starting to low hurt which means my brain needed a break. 

I debated on what to do for a brain break to settle my head. I considered a nap because that seems to be the most effective but I really don't want to be so reliant on naps and painting sounded satisfying. Knowing that head aches usually require the more effective break to turn things around most efficiently I figured I'd laid down. But I did not fall asleep instantly so I decided it meant I needed to paint.

Unfortunately the mild headache never went away. 

I managed to get things done, chat with a friend and update a sister over the phone, but the more difficult tasks, once again, went undone. 

This is one of the effects of TBI that really bothers me. I cognitively tire out so quickly. And then it becomes even more difficult to process reading, new information, what people are saying, etc. 

I am extremely lucky that I do not have to work a regular job and that I have been able to take time to heal. I am very grateful for how my husband provides for our family. He has carried us in so many ways lately. I feel bad for those who do not have these same luxuries. Yet, it is still quite disgruntling to be faced with just how much of a deficit I am running on these days and is can make it extremely difficult to find the motivation to keep working towards goals and aspirations especially when your efforts now require so much more effort and yet have gone largely unnoticed, very misunderstood, unsupported, and you feel powerless to make changes where you know they really need to happen.

Sooo... here I am again, blogging it out... Or am I procrastinating?

So much in my head, so much that I know, with nowhere to go with it but here. 

And of course this (the last statement) is not entirely true and I will keep working toward changes I wish to see in this weird wild world that we live in. 

And I will keep hoping I might help others in some small way through my honest blogging of the realities we face as we sort our tragedies and traumas in an effort to gain better psychological health.