The good news

"You get more of what you focus on."
I know this adage/ cliché and it holds a lot of truth and power to it.
My dear Managed Manic Magnificence friend reminded me of this in conversation today. She was not intentionally trying to remind me of this, which is nice, it just got me thinking and remembering. And I thought about this here blog, my processing blog. This blog often turns into my venting and maybe ranting space, and it does helps me reset, so to me it is good. But I also see that on here I am not or have not recently focused enough on the good news, the positives, and the silver linings and as I listen and think I start to feel like maybe I want to write more on that stuff to help me keep that focus going and growing.
So the good news:
Today I got good news. The pituitary tumor is non-functional and nonthreatening at this point. It is not interfering with hormones or my eyes and that is good... Well there is still a very slight possibility it is a cyclical cortisol producing tumor, but that is unlikely and also apparently hard to diagnose.  Basically if I have another manic episode I need to get my blood tested and then we would know if that could be a possibility. The funny thing is, I am tempted to push myself into mania just to find out. But that is about as far as I will respond to that temptation because I really don't want to go there.
So tumor and pituitary are good and that is good.
Of course there is that small part of me that is a little disappointed the tumor is not accountable for the crazy and then I feel tempted to mistakenly think I didn't get any answers there. But that is not true, this good news actually gave some very solid answers: TBI and neuropsychologist error/misconduct are more clearly the culprits.
Other good news:
Yesterday was rough at one point but I also had some very positive experiences. One of which was the snowboarding lesson I taught. Two kids, 10 and 12, first timers, and they were awesome. They were fun and teachable and they did amazing. Yet, for me, the real highlight was the conversation with the 12 (almost 13) year old girl about TBI. She told me she had gotten a concussion from skiing a couple of years ago. As she was telling me about it and about how it showed up on an MRI and she said, "they said something about a brain bleed," I was a bit surprised they were calling it a concussion. She told me about how reading was really hard that year in school and that the week she returned to school she had to do a standardized reading test and it made her head hurt so bad it made her sick; so sick she threw up. My heart hurt for her and all the kids and people who have serious head injuries that are not treated seriously enough. But again focusing on the positive, I was so happy to have a conversation with her about issues she has had and that she might face in her teen years. She is a very intelligent girl and is capable of recognizing things -like feeling sad for longer than she did before- as symptoms. She was so receptive and happy to discuss the subject. Her eyes were lit and she was appreciative as I explained that if she felt or experienced some added intensities in her teen years it could be due to that TBI, [especially considering the location (same as mine)] and that knowing that could help her through it.
My sweet MMM friend reminds me, getting this girl as my student was not a coincidence and I agree.
I am so happy I could help her.
And even though my family (the parent-sibling part) has mostly been hands off and keep it to yourself through these very trying times, I have one sister who occasionally checks up on me to see how things are going and another who I can usually talk to about these things and that is very nice.
So I am grateful and I do want it to be clear to my readers and myself that I do have and I am aware of the so very many positive things in my life.
I am lucky.
And I am especially lucky to have my MMM friend.