Apologies needed

I have this idea... maybe it is an ideal.
I want to write out my story of breaking under the care of a therapist and I want to write it now, from my perspective, from the client side of the couch
and then go back to school to get a degree in psychology or neuropsychology myself then write from that perspective, tackling the slew of subjects tied to my particular experience. i.e. mania, ptsd, memory flooding, emotional childhood neglect, transference-countertransference, therapist boundary violations, bad medical and APA policies, grooming vs mutual relationships, etc.
I want to tackle in research and practice how countertransference, therapist attachment, boundary violations, dual relationships, and/or mistakes are handled.
And I have been writing plenty for processing, thinking it is good practice and might help in writing the book.
I have thought I have gotten to a place where I think I can handle this emotionally challenging task...
But it is not easy.
I expected that.
But I am wondering if I really am capable of tackling such a feat...
I am not feeling so capable.
It is so complex and messy.
It is so painful and the unresolved injustices become so raw biting.
maybe this undertaking helps explain some of my recent entries...

My 16 year old daughter has been having boy challenges lately. She is currently dating the very close friend of the boy she was kind of dating that she really liked but suddenly just stopped talking to her. It hurt her so much. At times, I have encouraged her to try talking to the boy about it to which she would respond, "No, I am not going to, it's on him." It made sense that she did not want to try and I realized that sometimes the harder we try to gain understanding or get some sort of closure the worse people treat us. I know this very personally so you would think I would stop trying and know better than to even suggest it, and yet it sucks to see her hurt so much from the stonewalling and lack of communication.
She and both still ran in the same circles and it sounds as if they have been cordial but she felt so diminished by his seemingly complete denial of the relationship and  his unconcern with the pain he had caused that it would cut and sting her almost daily.
But last night something very simple happened and today she seems more solidly turned around and much more surefooted.
Today she is happy and keeps repeating, "I feel so relieved and I feel so much better" and I am confident this burden lighting from her is going to hold.
What simple thing happened?
This boy simply said, "I am sorry I hurt you."
She did not need an explanation, she did not need the relationship to be repaired but in his acknowledging her pain and the part he played and in apologizing he let her know that she is cared for and valued. He let her know that she matters and her pain is valid. He let her know that it was not that she was too flawed and not worth his time. He spoke so many things to her heartbroken soul in that simple little apology.
And I am so happy for my beautiful baby girl and I am proud of her strength and resilience. I also feel a sliver of hope for this up and coming generation that I feel so much concern for having assumed that their social media and electronic filled lives may have killed their abilities to communicate effectively or even at all.
Maybe, just maybe, they can teach us a thing or two. Maybe the medical industry and APA can learn a thing or two for these kids.
 I bet you can also see that it hurts knowing that my adult and professional peers do not see the need for anything like this for me. It is dehumanizing and re-victimizing that they not only would offer no apology but would even try to criminalize me for their mistakes and misdiagnosis.
So it is raw and painful and I don't know that I can handle writing a book about it then being unheard, dismissed, and unappreciated with that too.

I wish I had those last few sessions recorded; the intensity was insane and it changed me.
I wish I could illustrate and explain the insanity and intensity that followed, how I behaved, and how I was treated for it. I wish I could paint or write the picture to the degree of intensity that only a truly talented manic mind could create.
I wish I could help people see through the delusions they hold so dearly about the medical and psychological industries, about the people in power positions. I want to gain justice, fairness, and restitution for those who have been so pointlessly hurt by them. I wish I could...

But maybe I will simply allow this blog to be that book.
a kersplat, splat kind of telling of a very complex and profound story...
Because revisiting is far too painful still...
 and plain and simple: I do not have the confidence or connections.

...."unfortunately there is still a human element to all of this"
But my "get[ting] hung up on something" was not done the way that was expected or desired of me and for it I have been very harshly punished.

this next part I hesitate to say but it is the reality we all know, the reality I keep trying to deny and trying to fight against. The reality I keep trying to hope away:
Apologies would be greatly appreciated.
But, just as everyone says, they never will.
and  just as they knew I would, I will eventually burn out and they will not likely have to face up to any of it while my family will have payed their bills for the harm.
I just don't understand how they sleep at night.