Writing from rational

Sometimes I remember silly little things, like a spelling error I made that I forgot to fix on one of my blog entries, which was the real reason I came on here just now.
I don't need to process
I am in my healthy "normal" place. But feeling a bit tired so thought a break and doing something little like that may be a good way to keep me below the 80% spent...
[side note- Can you see how, even in my good healthy space, the past of my messed up therapist experience will haunt me? That 80% is a reference to his teaching]

I could not find the spelling error and I did not feel like reading thoroughly to find it. I am happy in my heathy mind but a bit tired so if I read too much I run the risk of cycling back.
But a thought occurred to me; I don't often write from this place, this mental space of stable sane and fine even though I am here most of the time. (follow up: 10/26 -medicated now I can say I was not there most of the time. I was trying to be and stay positive. I was fading but trying hard to hold on and appreciating the "normal" times that were also fading.)
So this is me,
normal,
and free to be me.
But if you are like me -in my normal rational place- you will see that recently it seems I may be loosing touch with reality.
And I have.
It's so tricky but I am really pretty good at knowing when I am a bit ridiculous. I suppose I also believe there must be something to that ridiculousness, because I don't entirely discredit it anymore and I don't beat myself up for it anymore. In fact as I have learned to pay attention to it, where it is coming from, and why, I have gotten better at managing.
Right now I think previous me who wrote some of those things is really weird and I don't know why I keep trying to be heard and trying to get things changed when I know it is of no use and especially when I am loosing touch, they will just use it against me and practical me knows this. Knows I am just causing more problems for myself.
Yet, it keeps happening, and at times, it is the what-I-can-do-to-make-it-through. And I do. Make it through.
I think I have gotten better over the years at managing those crazy emotions that sometimes just need to be heard.
But anyway, I don't really want to delve any deeper because I am fine and boring and happy to be here.
Probably I'll close my eyes for a bit, just to try and stay here, then energy returning, I'll get more done. Tackle the day, have fun and play.

**and as I wake from my nap, I remember how hard it is to speak up when you are broken or breaking, when you are loosing touch but not entirely gone, and yet that is exactly when a person needs to say something, needs to start treating. It is much more effective than waiting until they are entirely gone, entirely broken, or entirely dead.
Which is exactly why it is so very wrong that I was treated the way have been by a facility that is supposed to be on my side, supposed to be helping me. **