secrecy vs confession

It's funny how just admitting something out loud can correct us.
There are very few things I won't admit out loud about myself to just about anyone. There are a some things on this blog that fall into that category. And as I think about it, I find myself fairly certain that I have not got anything in me that I have not admitted to at least one person at some point.
I try not to have secrets. They seem to feed themselves.
So I suppose it's not surprising that my previous entry and the conversation with the friend may have lead to a correction.
When the friend said to me "f* him" I was actually quick to respond with "there in lies the problem, I still kind of want to"
She laughed loudly and said, "this is why we are friends."
She is one of very few people in the world I would dare say that to. And I hope she knows that wanting to does not mean that I would. I think she does know that, or I likely would not have said that to her.
And that thread of desire that was still hanging on seems to have been cut with the confession.
The interesting thing about this is: in the beginning I remember feeling quite the opposite, I only ever wanted to have sex with my husband. The thought of doing that with someone else was terrifying and I was far too conservative for that kind of thinking.
I love people for who they are, not for what they might be in bed.
The chemistry of the situation with ex-therapist was very real but also confusing. And it is not fair that he could not see what I needed him to see. Even if there was a sexual chemistry, and maybe one that I did need to recognize and admit to myself, it was not fair of him to make it about him, when it was supposed to be about me.
It was a mistake on his part. One that I stupidly tried to protect him from. But he turned it on me. ...And in someways that strangely fed that chemistry. Probably because I trusted him so much and I valued his education, knowledge and training more than my own. I continued to have faith in the system and the people who were in power, believing that they knew what was best and would ultimately be true to their hippocratic oaths.
I don't believe that happened. I think first he made it about him and then they followed. They forgot their obligation to me.
And then as far as screwed up chemistry, it is not terribly hard to see how the actions fed the tragedy.
What is it they say "play hard to get" and what is it about forbidden romance that we find so intriguing?
It's all been planted...for people to react that way. Which is why I think the APA rules are an abuse to the patients/clients that fall into the countertransference trap of a therapist. Easy self-protecting tools for a therapist to use to abuse. Coverups that feed corruptions.

Here's a thought: If the therapist could and would confess maybe we could all better correct.