Too

Just a friendly reminder to who all who read or follow:
this blog is reflective of what I am feeling in the moment and not reflective of me as a whole.
Sometimes I need to allow myself to feel things so they may pass. Sometimes writing helps me process my feelings.
So please remember you are only reading the part of me that most needs processing assistance.
Thank you.

...that said
here is what's in my head
even though I don't think I really need this writing to process at the moment (blog was just up)
My mood is mostly okay, but still unstable
that is frustrating to me
I find I am spending too much time reminding myself that I am okay
that I am happy
I am
I just don't want to be reminding myself so much. I like better when it is more of my base and I am stable in it; only rocked occasionally by things that are significant rockers or with lots of build up... maybe that is a judgement. Whose to say what's significant anyway?
maybe because I am not, less significant things will rock my world.
... no, that analogy doesn't work so well. Small, seemingly insignificant things seem to be more sturdy. Small, low profile things tend to withstand greater winds and storms.
Maybe I am not so insignificant, maybe I am too big so I am easily shaken.
My emotions are often too big. Until they are not.
...I am off on a "me" tangent that I don't want to be on
and I don't really care about this nonsense anyway.
 I would like to feel more stable and solid in my emotions again. I am tired of the the tears.
Though some experiences are so exquisite we wish to savor them forever, I think I'd like for this one to pass now. Fade into the void it has left behind
... the trouble with being too much. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/living-emotional-intensity/201805/feeling-intensely-the-wounds-being-too-much
But it's only this moment
then I'm off to outside
a beautiful day
-scared of my ankle
but going anyway-
smile and play
that's more my way