Explosive

I have been weening because I feel like I need to figure out my base again in order to know what I really need. I'm realizing I need to fine tune meds. I am disappointed I have to take them at all and had been very hopeful about going off.
I had hoped that I could, but dear old therapist kind of screwed me out of that possibility.
Concussion Dr. may have been correct way back in January that those meds were not the right meds. As of last appointment she thought I needed to give them more time. But she had kind of stopped listening, kind of like dear old therapist had, probably because she doesn't want to hear about it, because then she has to think and consider her colleague's (dear old therapist's) part in all of this and she just wants to believe whatever he told her.
More time, I have given too much of. I need stable. I am already to that point, the next step, sorting out any residual. And residual is explosive angry.
So it stays ever complicated and frustrating which is why I moved my next follow up, up and most likely why it will be goodbye forever to my found fortress of solitude turned kryptonite cave.
and weening. new job. still not stable.
Angry at injustices of raffles that were not done correctly, I won't donate now based on principle! But that is not the injustice I am really angry about, its the scapegoat that'll pay, or at least refund, for their mistake. In all honesty it was a really stupid and unfair mistake on their part since they entered and then awarded the prizes to donations of different increments that were not even intended for said raffle. We know those were the winners because the raffle tickets were business card side the other donations were postcard size. Postcard size, that was not intended for this raffle, were the winners. It is not right. and I don't trust the donation at all anymore. I make sure they know. "Sorry." ...but he's not going to do anything about it. Not going to make it fair to all those who had paid for raffle tickets whose entries became invalid when they decided to throw these others into the mix that forced the actual raffle tickets to the bottom of which ignorant puller did not know were the actual raffle tickets. It was annoying to watch. So it was not nothing but still, not something to feel explosive about.
...Explosive for the third time after getting off work at 2:30. The other two for other issues but equally as... nonthreatening.
I don't like this part of the cycle.
and I am angry.
angry at the injustice and the perpetuate
angry at the parallels that seem to suggest that I'm innately flawed, it is my fault that people will abandon me when I need them most.
I am angry
I was not abandoned tonight.
"The squeaky wheel gets the grease"
And that makes me angry too. I don't want to be the squeaky wheel... because my squeak is a big vicious wolf snarl ...a wolf that has been mistaken for a bad dog that shouldn't be feed.