Equations for Chemistry

My drug of choice?
"What would solving accomplish for you?" asks now ex-concussion doctor
It's a fair question and I don't know.
It may be dependent on what "this" is. And while I am not so keen to try to "solve this" anymore I think I may still need to because in it lie answers that can help me stop repeating the same mistakes in relationships.
And yet the statement itself implies that it may not have been my mistake at all in his mind. which could be evidence of something that needs to be solved for the sake of others. or just simply that he is scared or frustrated by something else.
It is worth noting that the less I try to solve the more things just occur to me and then I find myself thinking on it; maybe because it is the drug of choice, maybe because it is a push back I need to pay attention to. I am not entirely sure, however I can say with surety: where I am now and how it affects me physically and emotionally is very different from where I was 7 months ago...when he was telling me not to try and solve this and when I was trying to obey but the need to solve was pushing back with monumental force. And I can also say with surety that our greatest weaknesses can be our greatest strengths. I am not sure how to utilize this one as such yet so I am letting myself explore naturally, paying attention to feelings and thoughts, and going with it if it feels calm or okay and shutting it off if it feels counterproductive... btw, this is also following his instructions for me (a complex psychological web and now I  slightly wonder "is this pathological") but to my point of coming on here and the exploration that my intuition is guiding; thoughts about the transference and countertransference issue found there way to the forefront -the waking up forefront- of my mind.
"Am I the threat, is employing institution the threat, or he is he the threat to himself?" I ask concussion doctor. I know it is not me "unless he is sexually frustrated and I bring that out in him, then I guess I am," I try to explain, and yet I'm not (the threat) because that is him and his issue, not me and mine.
It's funny how things like that then become your issue. If it's about you, even if it's not your issue, it really is, because it's about you after all.
I digress.
or maybe not
transference was happening.
and I still believe counter transference to. I believe there was testing of my transference that I resisted. I would not let him penetrate my thoughts the way you are supposed to allow your therapist to. I would not let him know my transference. because I was protecting? which may have back fired.
Separating from his ex-wife? he tried to avoid taking me on? I wouldn't let him in, though we had a meaningful connection or despite the fact that I obviously cared for him.
Is there something there with counter transference?
I remember thinking once, "I wonder who cheated on who?"
Not that it happened... But "I am not meant to be with just one women" a comment about his own frustration he had to come to terms with to help me realize I had to come to terms with my own frustration? Was I supposed to ask about those comments? probably. But I didn't. Naturally protective? I wondered but would not ask. It was the boundary I seemed to know I was not supposed to cross in therapy, that was his life and his business and I knew he would only share what he wanted to or felt was beneficial to me and since it was supposed to be about me and not him I knew better than to ask. I would likely only be disappointed. (Am I answering my questions I have been wondering now as I type it out?)
But my not asking amidst a pretty powerful transference, projected or reflected... that may have confused his psyche, especially if he really was sexually frustrated. Especially if I reminded him of his ex-wife or some other sexual interest in the past in anyway. Especially if ex-wife had been a with-holder. And maybe especially if that withholding led to/contributed to cheating.
So I wonder
could Sexually frustrated + withholding transference = countertransference + therapeutic disaster?
I tell you, conversation on this topic could be so fascinating and telling.
But, he is right, it could be potentially risky.
...I'd take the risk. why? because facing fears and taking risks make life just that (life) and a whole lot more.