Wars and Rumors of Wars

I just got home from the appointment with new neuropsychologist.
I am tired.
My head is tired.
It is so tired of trying to work this out.
Dr. She is right, they caused harm and I need to move on from this so I can start putting the pieces of me back together. She does not care about the intentions. She does not care about the motives they way I do. She does not need to. That is very lucky and also why I am there. She just cares about what they said and did and how it caused harm to me.
I care about intention and feel like I have to understand that because I want to rely on that to help me decide how to proceed and handle this. Initially I was like, "Yeah, you screwed up, but I don't want anyone to get in trouble even though I don't fully understand why or care why you screwed up, I just want help figuring out what is going on with my head and why." And I was trying to proceed while also trying to protect the guilty-position-of-power party. (much to my detriment)
As it progressed from me trying to understand and get the help I needed, to standing up for myself, to outright fighting for my life, I also progressed in my need to understand intent.
I think this is probably because I don't want to hurt anyone and I think individually and ultimately they are all likely [mostly] good people that made mistakes. But these mistakes have come at a very high price to me as they proceeded in their denials of making any and avoiding responsibility.
My tired brain and breaking family reminds me of this.
And I know these mistakes need to be acknowledged and they had a responsibility to me that they failed to fulfill again and again thus perpetuating harm. I know these mistakes are not okay and not fair and I know it has been my OWN sheer determination to minimize damage, come out okay, and make the best of it that has kept me going. I mistakenly had attributed some of that to dear Dr. Cheri, but that was likely due to his abandonment while I was in the thick of transference.
I am able to own my success now, and that is good, but, I assure you, it has taken so much more determination than you may ever be able to comprehend. I have a few advantages, namely previous head injury -I have been through so much of this before. The mistakes of other misunderstanding and misdiagnosing, so I have an advantage but I do not think everyone would fair so well...
For that I am not okay with just letting bygones be bygones, and for the expense of this and the burden on my family.
Viktor Frankl would understand; the best of them did not make it out alive, he says. And with out others fighting to end the massive insanity that was killing innocent people and plaguing the world, he would not have come out alive either.
I cannot compare my suffering to theirs but I can tell you, if I were not a fighter and if I did not have that sheer determination to survive, I would not have made it through this.
...Yet I am not out of the woods
I am so tired of trying to solve.... and the reason intentions has become an obsession in solving is likely much like in any war: we don't want to fight a war unless we are sure the other side really deserves the same level of pain and punishment they are inflicting. Intention seems to be the easiest way to judge that. And I have already said, I don't want to be the judge, but that is the position I have been put in, so I am looking for the lifting of the burden of conscience because I do not want to feel responsible in anyway for the upholding of rules I don't necessarily agree with that could create a high cost to the individuals, when it is the collective and the institution that ultimately failed but will likely get off scotch free at a high cost to one or two individuals. Or they will gain more ground and win this battle further perpetuating their false sense of rightness that is harming others.
...and my brain is tired.