Sometimes it is one, occasionally I have jumped by teens. This blog that I don't really advertise but occasionally share with individuals, tells me how many unique views it receives. It's not many. And I am okay with that. I have actually asked very few people to actually read it or a specific entry and I am never sure if they do. My sister, I asked to read it awhile ago. She never remembers to and that is fine, it is how life goes. I get that.
But every time I come on here and see my numbers change I feel a bit of joy as I say to myself "Oh, I've been read."
Helping looks something like that. Often we want or wish for big numbers and we may not even invest our time in helping if we are not getting those big numbers but long ago I realized helping just one person is helping and it is significant because that one person is very significant.
If all I ever help is one person I have made a difference and I have changed the world
and I like the sense of satisfaction that brings. This is something I write because I feel it will likely be important for me to remember as I proceed with what I am coming to see and accept as my life's purpose.
I have a voice that needs to be heard. I know this and I have been told this more than once. I can bridge gaps and face stigma's because I have been doing that for so very long. It is when I shy away and hide myself from this, when I become self deprecating, that I inevitably start to break again. I think it is time for me to embrace who and what I am.
I believe it is time for me to get big.
Something like the kind of big that confused dear Dr. He in his office and profession but not the kind of big I was when he lost all his power to me and turned to self preservation not understanding himself that, in that moment, I was physiologically big from the chemical effects of mania. He did not understand because he had lost objectivity and I really am that good at managing my madness or he did understand and knew that he could play that to his advantage, use it against me. I suspect the first but there is evidence that suggests the latter and it could be a human conscious or unconscious combination of both. I am not sure.
But one thing I am sure of, is as I have tried to solve the mystery of what happened and what was and still is going on with my head I have found all the TBI stuff ringing so very true time and time again. I have found research that is tied to Dr. He that has me written all over it. I don't know if he has ever realized that and at the time of much of this research we had not even met, but I'm there in it, plain as day.
This morning, this research, confirmed that I need to keep fighting. I am in that world and that is where I belong. They really could learn so much from me and my voice needs to be heard, not just for my sake. I can bridge gaps and help or straight up fix the Neuroscience Institute.
So I have started to make connections with people that I hope can help and now my goal, my life's purpose is to make sure all that I know, all the work I have done to get me to this point is shared and heard and available to others because can be helpful to many more people.
I have worked hard to be the change I wish to see in the world now I will fight for the change I wish to see in the world. I will fight to end stigma's, to bridge gap's and to bring understanding and healing to broken minds and broken hearts.
I will fight harder and ironically that is bringing me back to life.
I hope you will join me, as I am about to go big.
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