Tough putty?

 My head is feeling somewhat heavy and tired. The weight of worlds is pushing me into the ground...

"You are not making it up," says Dr. Sweet when I tell her I feel so delicately balanced.

I am so very grateful that I am doing so well and the weight I am feeling right now I am certain all would and/or are feeling. Some of it is from all the insanity surrounding this whole novel COVID 19 and trying to parent through this madness, while another portion of it is from the weight of change I feel resting on my shoulders as I try to navigate the path that has been placed in front of me. 

I am trying to take classes in psychology this up coming semester to help me down the path that can ultimately lead to the big changes I know are needed within the industry of psychology. The changes to policies and practices that are meant to address and handle situations of countertransference. 

I wish this idea had solidified itself a bit sooner since school starts in just a few days so I am now scrambling to see what I can make happen. I am feeling the heavy weight and wondering if it means I am trying to bite off too much too soon... 

And I am not sure if the sense of urgency I feel is helping me, or hindering by magnifying the weight. 

Life

Such a nonstop adventure and such a wild ride.

I am sure glad I have the one that I have

because even when things are boring

I am not bored.

And I am so very lucky to have the heavy burdens that I have. Heavy, but interesting, and not nearly as devastatingly destructive as those that I know of that far too many sweet soles have had to endure. 

Renée says, "we chose tough." But I know I am only as tough as spun glass in comparison to her and I am not so sure I chose any of this at all. ... but I suppose I choose tough on a regular basis too even if, right now, as my body is feeling the weight of my head pressing it down into the ground like it's putty, I might just choose sleep...