Dr. Tangled, that was a kind of jerk at my follow up appointment with her, requested my husband schedule an appointment when he called asking for clarification. He scheduled it thinking she wanted to help correct whatever went wrong with that appointment. But it seems she actually wanted us to come back just so she could exert her dominance, accuse me of doing so many things wrong while at the sometime blaming the TBI but making sure I knew just how crappy she thinks I deserve to be treated. We did not feel we should have to pay for that appointment. But this morning her office manager called to let me know they will be charging for that appointment. Now remember my husband is the one who called them. I sent an brief email, but he called. He is stable and perceived as such while Dr. Tangled accused me of being anxious all of the time and other things, yet they chose to call me and not my husband.
And I am so tired of feeling like it is all my fault, I am the problem, and always to blame entirely for these omnipotent providers acting like jerks.
I think some of this may be reflective of bigger cultural problems.
But I really don't want to go into that too deep right now.
Even before this phone call (and the one that followed from the next person up the line that went about the same) I had a hard time getting out of bed because it kind of feels pointless sometimes, so this hit is at a bad time. And her office director, as nice as she seemed, had to make sure I know that Dr. Tangled does not get complaints like this. Of course she doesn't, TBI patients rarely file complaints, they usually just absorb it, feeling like they deserve it. But more than that it, I find it highly likely she is being influenced by the defamation and slandering of me in the medical records that follow me... So of course I deserve to be treated like trash, that is what I have been diagnosed as by the Neuroscience Institution that is of more significance than her practice is.
But I really don't want to go into that too deep right now.
Even before this phone call (and the one that followed from the next person up the line that went about the same) I had a hard time getting out of bed because it kind of feels pointless sometimes, so this hit is at a bad time. And her office director, as nice as she seemed, had to make sure I know that Dr. Tangled does not get complaints like this. Of course she doesn't, TBI patients rarely file complaints, they usually just absorb it, feeling like they deserve it. But more than that it, I find it highly likely she is being influenced by the defamation and slandering of me in the medical records that follow me... So of course I deserve to be treated like trash, that is what I have been diagnosed as by the Neuroscience Institution that is of more significance than her practice is.
... People are so lemming like and predictable. They repeat the same stupid patterns at every level. The same patterns are being seen on larger scales with all the insanity that is happening in the world right now. The corporations and big names are jumping quickly onto bandwagons to show how much they care when in reality they are doing nothing to help and often further perpetuating harm by jumping on bandwagons that are condemning too many people who are not bad.
Like Black Lives Matter. Of course they do, but how does Amazon stating that on their website help anyone? And how are protestors glaring, shaking their signs aggressively and yelling at us in our car as they march past helping with that? I am not on opposite sides as what they proclaim to be protesting yet they were definitely making sure I felt their wrath with me. But for what?
I am tired of people so aggressively defending their misjudgments of me. Just because you want to think I am something or one way does not make me that way.
Although this type of treatment of people does often result in, or makes it appear to result in the person turning into exactly what they are being accused of. I think the movie Zootopia covers this topic very well. People often finally give up and give in with an "if I can't beat them I might as well join them" style attitude and I see very clearly why. It is so hard to continue trying to prove that you are not what you have been wrongly labeled or accused of being especially if you know their is some accuracy and especially if the people accusing are in positions of power over you. I have mentioned this before, this happens all of the time to school children in school systems. It happens with race, it happens with poverty, it happens in families, it happens ALL THE TIME to girls and women who are sexually abused and/or exploited, and it also happens ALL THE TIME to people with "mental illness."
The most vulnerable among us are far too often blamed more than they are helped. This experience has taught me a lot about victim shaming and my eyes have been opened to just how huge of a problem it is. So victims turn into abusers themselves. Or they continue on the path that was set for them because they cannot escape the labels and misjudgments.
I don't want to be that person. I don't want to become what they want to make me out to be. I don't want to be what I have been misunderstood and misjudged to be. But I also refuse to lie down and take it anymore.
So now what?
Celebrate my small victories, keep standing up for myself and speaking out, and (as Dr. She would say) fight harder.
Yes ma'am.
Will do.
And tomorrow I will not have a hard time getting out of bed because I obviously have a job or two to do.
I WILL NOT burn out. I WILL NOT continue to allow people to treat me poorly. I WILL stand up for myself. I WILL keep speaking up and speaking out and I WILL warn others every chance I get until changes happen that also protect and help me and until I know I have done everything I can to protect every person possible from similar mistreatment.
The man up the line from Dr. Tangled's office director said they will be billing insurance but then call after we get a bill to see what we can figure out. I can tell you this, especially considering that they are still billing insurance, that if they seriously expect us to pay after the way things went then it is very unlikely that Dr. Tangled really does not get complaints like this. If I really am the only person who she has had a problem with, than waiving that bill to be rid of me is the most likely response. However, if they want to fight with a peon like me and accuse me of being the entire problem, then we all know it's not very likely that the claim that this doctor "never gets complaints like this" is true. Or she is afraid that if she lets one person "win" she will have to let all of them "win" which is usually only a fear to those who have wronged many.
...Maybe I am going to turn into the pain in the ass I have been accused of being. Maybe I need to let people see just how big of a pain in the ass I have NOT been...
I don't know but I do know I do not deserve to be treated the way that woman treated me and also be expected to pay for it.
Like Black Lives Matter. Of course they do, but how does Amazon stating that on their website help anyone? And how are protestors glaring, shaking their signs aggressively and yelling at us in our car as they march past helping with that? I am not on opposite sides as what they proclaim to be protesting yet they were definitely making sure I felt their wrath with me. But for what?
I am tired of people so aggressively defending their misjudgments of me. Just because you want to think I am something or one way does not make me that way.
Although this type of treatment of people does often result in, or makes it appear to result in the person turning into exactly what they are being accused of. I think the movie Zootopia covers this topic very well. People often finally give up and give in with an "if I can't beat them I might as well join them" style attitude and I see very clearly why. It is so hard to continue trying to prove that you are not what you have been wrongly labeled or accused of being especially if you know their is some accuracy and especially if the people accusing are in positions of power over you. I have mentioned this before, this happens all of the time to school children in school systems. It happens with race, it happens with poverty, it happens in families, it happens ALL THE TIME to girls and women who are sexually abused and/or exploited, and it also happens ALL THE TIME to people with "mental illness."
The most vulnerable among us are far too often blamed more than they are helped. This experience has taught me a lot about victim shaming and my eyes have been opened to just how huge of a problem it is. So victims turn into abusers themselves. Or they continue on the path that was set for them because they cannot escape the labels and misjudgments.
I don't want to be that person. I don't want to become what they want to make me out to be. I don't want to be what I have been misunderstood and misjudged to be. But I also refuse to lie down and take it anymore.
So now what?
Celebrate my small victories, keep standing up for myself and speaking out, and (as Dr. She would say) fight harder.
Yes ma'am.
Will do.
And tomorrow I will not have a hard time getting out of bed because I obviously have a job or two to do.
I WILL NOT burn out. I WILL NOT continue to allow people to treat me poorly. I WILL stand up for myself. I WILL keep speaking up and speaking out and I WILL warn others every chance I get until changes happen that also protect and help me and until I know I have done everything I can to protect every person possible from similar mistreatment.
The man up the line from Dr. Tangled's office director said they will be billing insurance but then call after we get a bill to see what we can figure out. I can tell you this, especially considering that they are still billing insurance, that if they seriously expect us to pay after the way things went then it is very unlikely that Dr. Tangled really does not get complaints like this. If I really am the only person who she has had a problem with, than waiving that bill to be rid of me is the most likely response. However, if they want to fight with a peon like me and accuse me of being the entire problem, then we all know it's not very likely that the claim that this doctor "never gets complaints like this" is true. Or she is afraid that if she lets one person "win" she will have to let all of them "win" which is usually only a fear to those who have wronged many.
...Maybe I am going to turn into the pain in the ass I have been accused of being. Maybe I need to let people see just how big of a pain in the ass I have NOT been...
I don't know but I do know I do not deserve to be treated the way that woman treated me and also be expected to pay for it.
No comments:
Post a Comment