a not-so-straight gait

I'm here to complain today.
but first I have a saying, and my kids hate it, so it must be a good one: "your not allowed to complain about it unless you are willing to do something about it."
but sometimes we complain because we aren't sure what to do about it. or even where to log our complaints. Sometimes we cause bigger problems by complaining... but now I am getting sidetracked into the philosophical unknowns that can turn into black holes
So I'll just complain.
My lower back sucks right now.
Walking again after so long of not and when some part of you is recovering from surgery is so much harder than I realized. Mine was just my ankle. A mere 2-3 inch scar that wraps the ankle bone is all that shows (not entirely true, it's swollen still and my calf muscle on that leg is still skinnier) Yet at 3 weeks able to walk again more things hurt now then did before or immediately after surgery.
My lower back hurts so bad and my heel, ankle, calf and all these muscles and parts of my foot, I didn't even know existed before, hurt. My gait is very off and has been for some time so it's throwing everything else off.
I'm so glad to be able to move again but I am still so limited in what I really can and can't do and it's hard to take it slow...and to not fall into the push crash cycle.
And here we go again, but really,
It's the story of my brain once again mirrored or parallel in some other form that is helping me to understand the life I have long been so confused about.
That stinking broken brain of mine, that was so grossly misunderstood, was throwing off my gait and making it hard to keep things straight.
Push, crash
and other seemingly simple concepts and problems to solve to the professionals become much harder to overcome when they are so deeply ingrained.
And hide.
Hide the symptoms because you are ashamed and you will be judged, or berated.
...or simply things like you won't be allowed to learn how to drive corvettes racing style at the Spring Mountain Motor Resort. Stinking ankle.
...I do wonder if just as the ankle -initial injury was overlooked and misunderstood- needs to get worse before it can get better the brain may also have needed to get worse before it could get better? Needed to be broken again in order to be reset correctly. Man, I hope this reset is better in the long run.