Dear Perri and All Other Therapists

I did get the chance to talk with him, one last time, though he did refuse to be my therapist any longer which is a little sad because he really is the best and I will miss him. But still I know he is right. I do feel like I got the closure I needed and now I can continue to let go... That does make me a bit sad but my heart has settled some and thinking it causes no added surges of cortisol, so that is good.
Progress.

I was able to say a whole lot in a short period of time and I feel better knowing that I was able to clarify a few things and help him to see that he really didn't know me so well as he thought. I am the other side to the profession, I have as much experience or more, just from the other side of the mask. Through the process of learning, trying and growing for so many years I have picked up a lot and had unknowingly created my own reflective mask. ...And to further complicate myself I thought I was transparent. It's comical really.
But there were a couple of things I didn't have the chance to say. I am not sure if he will remember that I told him about this blog or if he will remember the web address or if he will ever allow himself to check it out anyway but I'd like to say it for my own sake and for the sake of anyone else who may stumble across this.
First, and this is a little silly, I was bummed I didn't get to tell the story of my shirt. I got it in Lisbon the day we returned home from our Spain and Portugal bike trip. Because we had weird vibes with the friends we had originally come with, Trump had just been elected president, and it's basically the story of my life; it made me laugh so hard I had to buy it. It reads: "The future will be definitely confusing."
It always will be but that doesn't bother me. I enjoy the adventure. So it fits for me and it was so fitting for the situation. Though I knew I had to move on I could not bear him shutting me out completely. I am fine with things being what they are and whatever they need to be. I can leave him alone because I love him and respect him but I still need him to be part of me for awhile longer and the goodbye forever is more than I can physically handle right now.
Which transitions perfectly into my next missed topic of discussion. Though I had told him that my heart had been physically hurting for the past 3 weeks I did not get to ask him about it -get his professional thoughts on that. And I especially wanted to ask if he knew anything about waking up from death... More on that later but I had intended to ask today if he could explain the physiology of what was going on with me since it was starting to take a physical toll.
It turns out there is such a thing as "broken heart syndrome" where all the extra cortisol from stress causes physical heart problems and can lead to cardiac arrest of some sort. I had no idea until I looked it up this evening since I still feel a little week in the heart. But no time and no more time to write tonight either,
but therapists be advised; 
if you have a client/patient that you know is forming an attachment to you please be very careful in how you break that bond, it really can cause physical harm.
But even more important: thank you for helping me to write that very transcendent chapter of my life.