Pressing matters

Right now, sleep or write it out? Well here I am ... tears streaming again as I fight to stay brave and strong and try to get myself out of my way... 

It's unreal how Utah State University has violated so many of their own professed and published beliefs and standards and how they have no desire or concern about it in regards to me. Here's a fun example "We recognize racial trauma and intergenerational trauma has an effect on all aspects of the student experience including mental health and well-being. We offer resources, support, and advocacy to USU students through our student-centered programs for these specific struggles." https://www.usu.edu/student-affairs/ So they claim to understand "intergenerational trauma," which means they know the stress and discrimination I was facing would/could effect my kids, and yet multiple people from this Division of Student Affairs opted to exclude me and every person in my family from the promises their division makes, their obligations to due process, and procedural fairness that is published for the world to see on the homepage of their website. Read their website and all about how "The Division of Student Affairs inspires, engages, and challenges students through inclusive, holistic, student-centered programming," and maybe you might start to understand why I have to keep fighting.   

The more I dig the worse it is, which I know will ultimately help me because it is so blatant and obvious, but getting that help is very difficult, very time consuming and very taxing on anybodies brain. And for me we have to add to that the permanent scars of TBI in regions that effect emotions and abilities to focus etc. They should be sensitive to that, but, much like the Neuroscience Institute, instead, they are actually using those weaknesses and vulnerabilities to their advantage and a preponderance of evidence might very likely find that they have been (more likely than not) engaging in the act of intentionally pushing a person to their emotional limits in order to get them to back off and retreat...It's called intentional infliction of emotional distress. 

I am so tired when I should not be and need to not be, but my damaged brain can only handle so much... And it is beyond me why, amidst this, my tired brain keeps trying to return to that betrayer that it once felt was home. 

The effects of this? In addition to dramatically increased tremors and many other exacerbated symptoms, my eyes become heavy to the point that they can hardly stay open. If I force them to they will leak and release the hydrating resources of my metaphorically drought starved body. 

What to do?  It's distressing but I have to fight. Somebody has to stand up for students and people like me who are so flagrantly underserved and so brazenly marginalized. Especially when it is happening in a place like this, and this fight is much more straightforward that they previous beatings from IHC and Dr. He.