I'm supposed to stop and take a break if I am approaching 80% and/or before I crash... I am feeling so tired right now that I just want to go back to bed... But it is so early in the day and I haven't gotten hardly anything done... I don't want to stop and take a break. I don't want to feel so fatigued and worn down so early and after doing so little. "I'm not pushing myself hard enough," I think as I refuse to take a break. I am determined to be fine and capable. I have so many things I need to do and so many things that need to be done in order to keep fighting, but the thought of it weighs heavy like it is pushing me into the ground.
I pick up my laptop and decide to watch a training video. That might be a good break I think. I even take it to bed thus allowing myself to fall asleep while watching the video if that is really what my body needs. But my eyes start leaking as I open my laptop... Have I already pushed to hard? My eyes leak even more and I decide to come on here to write it out first.
This is what this "disability" looks like. It is very hard to accept and come to terms with and people really have no clue and rarely do they even try to.
push crash happens too fast...
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