feelings

Maybe blogging it out will help. 

School is starting again and I am nervous for my kids. Daughter is starting college. She is not ready and she is overwhelmed. I am worried about her. 

Son is starting his junior year and a new job. He is so fragile. He would not claim it, and he is trying, but I know he is trying so hard to not be fragile. I see it and I feel so much pain for him. This last year has been so hard on him. The crap I have gone through has been so hard on him... I pray constantly, hoping that people will be kind and give him a chance. Hoping he will find his courage again and find his voice. 

and I am sad... Not sure what to do with myself again or how to do it. I feel my potential has been lost to rumors and lies that people have spread about me that I cannot get ahead of. 

I feel worthless and insignificant. I feel forgotten and ignored. I hate that I wonder why I am here at all. 

I don't really know what to write... so I guess never mind. It's just not helping today...

I don't know what to do. I am so awkward now and nobody wants me, they do not see my potential... So maybe I don't actually have any. Yet I don't really believe that. Its just that rejection hurts and we, as a society, are still so far behind in how we treat people who have bipolar or who have had TBI. We, with bipolar and/or who have had TBI are so misunderstood, mis-categorized, stigmatized, ostracized, and mistreated... It's hard and exhausting and I am so lonely hear. 

Maybe it is time to run away again.