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Wednesday, October 7, 2020

The countertransference trap

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5anLPw0Efmo

"Please don't close the door completely or I'll just keep coming back trying to knock it down"... I forgot that I had said this.

The song I linked to above says this at one point: "I was alone the whole time" and it starts me thinking...

You were taking from me.

I was there for you

When I needed you there for me.

I thought that you were.

...but was I alone the whole time?

You told me I could keep you in my heart 

then suggested I let it burn out

because that is what you intended to do. 

"Please don't close the door on me completely" I begged

"I'll never have anything to do with you"

you said

and only because you could see yourself loving me?

The one thing I needed most at that precise moment in life...


The door now shut so tight

every day I have to fight

trying to keep my heart from burning out 

trying to keep my mind from following you 

through the door I am forbidden through,

Desperate to collect the shattered pieces of me 

scattered in your territory

that you refuse to see

and will not allow me back to collect

my stolen pieces you neglect. 

Shiny pieces illuminating the pedestal you refuse to come down from

Neglected pieces kept selfishly

for nothing more than flattery. 

Pieces of me that I need

Kept captive in forbidden phenomena 

of confounding connections...

You may keep the flattery 

but please stop the fallacious fantasy, 

and free me from your forgotten fortress

by having something to do with me

In reality.







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