Everybody needs a Dr. She

 Triggering, PTSD, discrimination, ignorance, bias. Those have been what I have been dealing with this last week. 

I know I have not handled everything perfectly but I have been trying to handle it honestly and fairly. The professor, clearly is not going to be fair with me. He has not honored what he has said about not marking us down as late and he refuses to communicate with me or provide feed back on the assignments we are supposed to be building on and adjusting according to feedback. There is more to this story I do not wish to disclose. It hurts and it has triggered very real PTSD but now I have this lovely little incident to figure out. 

And it is so hard not to take these hits personally. Not to feel like I am the problem. It is hard to trust the people at the institution that say they are there to help me through this. It is hard to know how to proceed. And it brings back memories of the IHC patient advocate who acted so nice and claimed she was there to help when it was all just a set up. I am not sure if I should go down that path with the University... But this time, I am not trying to "protect" anyone who has and are causing harm to me. This time I am not at all attached. So at least that. 

Mostly, I am sure glad I have Dr. She. She understands me and she knows what has happened, she understands why, and she knows who I am. She has confidence in me. Even more than I thought. She is not disappointed in me and she does not think any less of me. She does not blame or shame. She does not baby or coddle. She just talks to me about it and so effortlessly and causually reminds me of who I am and what I know about me. She helps me remember how well I have managed and handled really hard things, harder than this. She does not think I will break as big. I needed this vote of confidence. I did not know that I needed it, but I did. I am so glad to have her. I thank her for knowing and understanding me. I thank her for once again being there for me. She reassures me that she is not going anywhere. I don't know if I entirely trust that and I tell her that. She tells me that's okay and she'll still keep being here for me...

It's very nice to have a Dr. She. Which reminds me of what I am trying to do. 

And I am finding my way.