The ringing in my ear is nagging. It is more noticeable now that my thoughts have slowed with the assistance of medication.
What it is nagging me to do I am not always sure of.
Currently I find it very difficult to do anything. It takes immense effort to trust people and I am not really sure of how to proceed with anything.
Dr. She assures me that my current circumstances are far from normal in regards to the way this is going to effect a person psychologically.
That is good to know, because I'm like, "is this what it is going to be like, is this what my body is going to do now every time something is hard and stressful?"
But really we don't know.
I do know that a person can only take so many hits before they really cannot get up again. And I do know the TBI mood instability issues I have, have altered the course of my life...
I have to accept a new me, a new norm and yet I have no idea what that really is and what that really looks like because I have one man who has been determined to make it a mess for me and now he is determined to have me exiled from anyone in the industry because he is claiming it to be his place where I am not welcome. The only thing that makes sense to me (as to why he has me so unwelcome in my place of existence) is that he is claiming this because he wants to hide what he really is and how he is using and abusing people with head injuries. It is very scary and he knows he can win, he knows I don't have a fighting chance, because he knows my disadvantages and he knows how to manipulate people and the system. He knows how to turn people into his puppets, marionettes on strings he is pulling with his sweet tones and dimples and his carefully and strategically chosen words. He is brilliant and he knows what he is doing.
The good little puppets he works with drink it up and play along, loathing me for trying to cut their puppet strings so that they can do their jobs and be real humans.
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