fighting to survive again. I will not die so easily

I WILL NOT DIE FOR YOU!!!
I SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO REINFORCE BUT I WILL NOT DIE SO EASILY.
I WILL NOT GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT JUST SO YOU CAN COVER YOUR INDISCRETIONS!!!

I WILL NOT DIE FOR YOU!
I WILL NOT COMMIT SUICIDE BECAUSE YOU WANT ME TO. BECAUSE IT WILL BENEFIT YOU.
I WILL NOT DIE FOR YOU AND YOUR LIES!!!!

AND I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED, WHAT YOU SAID, AND HOW I WAS TREATED. I GAVE YOU EVERY POSSIBLE CHANCE TO CLARIFY, I GAVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT AGAIN AND AGAIN, I FOLLOWED YOUR RULES PLAYED YOUR CRYPTIC GAMES. I TRUSTED YOU. I TRIED TO GET THE HELP I NEEDED FROM THE MEDICAL PROVIDERS THAT WERE SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONES TO SEE THAT I NEEDED HELP WITH BUT YOU HAD SLANDERED AND TWISTED ME INTO SOMETHING I WAS NOT AND THEN YOU WOULD NOT ALLOW ANYONE TO TALK WITH ME TO CLARIFY, TO HELP ME. YOU MANIPULATED THE ENTIRE INSTITUTION TO WHATEVER IT WAS YOU WANTED THEM TO BELIEVE ABOUT ME, WHILE I WAS BROKEN AND STUPIDLY STILL TRUSTING.

DEFAMATION IS UNTRUE, I HAVE NOT CLAIMED ANYTHING THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED OR THAT IS CONTRARY TO MY UNDERSTANDING, HOWEVER I HAVE SOUGHT CLARIFICATION, WHICH YOU AND YOUR INSTITUTION HAVE DENIED ME. I EVEN TRIED SO HARD NOT TO HURT YOU OR CAUSE UNDO HARM WHICH ULTIMATELY HURT ME IN GETTING THE HELP I NEEDED. I HAVE BEHAVED LIKE A PERSON WHO HAS BEEN GROOMED AND I KNOW BETTER THAN TO BELIEVE I AM THE ONLY ONE. I DID NOT WANT TO BELIEVE THAT. IT BROKE MY HEART TO THINK IT BECAUSE I LOVED YOU AND I CARED AND YOU SEEM SO KIND AND MODEST... BUT IT IS A GUISE. AND I HEARD THE THINGS YOU SAID, ALL. I SAW YOUR EYES CHANGE, AND I KNOW HOW YOU MANIPULATED THROUGH IMPLYING. YOU CLAIMED YOU WOULD ALWAYS WANT TO PROTECT ME WHEN YOU WERE NOT EVEN DOING THAT WHEN IT WAS YOUR JOB TO, YOU WERE INTENTIONALLY HARMING ME.
I HAVE BEHAVED LIKE A PERSON WHO HAS BEEN GROOMED AND I KNOW BETTER THAN TO BELIEVE I AM THE ONLY ONE.
I WILL NOT SIT BY AND SAY NOTHING KNOWING YOU ARE GETTING AWAY WITH THIS.
AND I WILL NOT DIE FOR YOU!!!!
thoughts processed and out.
the reason for this very unknown blog...
I will keep fighting to survive. I will keep fighting for my family. I will keep fighting for others like me who are being mistreated and abused by these very powerful and apparently very corrupt systems.  I will keep fighting to stay out of the darkness of the psychological mess this has caused. I will keep fighting.
I choose to live!!!!
I CHOOSE TO LIVE!!!!!!!!!
And I will not break again for you. I am stronger and I will keep getting help. I WILL NOT BREAK FOR YOU! I will not die for you.