feeling sorry for yourself

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself"
is what my dad would say.
I am hearing that in my head this morning as I am waking up for the third time.

those 5 words
he said too much and not enough

I was not allowed to feel my pain.
My pain didn't count
and I was not allowed to speak up for myself if I was hurting.

I am a broken person
in so many ways and for so many reasons

And while I don't want to "feel sorry for myself"
I know that this is not appropriate language and caused far more harm than healing
so I'll try to address that now too.
"I'm not feeling sorry for myself" I would try to say but it was not heard and I always had to consider that maybe I was.
I took it to heart... I do that

One thing I know,
I don't say this to my own kids
I won't use that as a solution with other people

there must be more to my pain then my dad understood
my pain was valid
and still is
at least to me
...so, I guess I keep trying.
I did read a very helpful article by a lady who had felt betrayed
https://www.elephantjournal.com/2014/05/betrayed/
It really resonated and I think it is nice that she pointed out that it takes time.
I also really like how she signed her article:
"with peace, love, and waving no white flag (because I am a fighter)"