Best Regards

So I have had some very interesting conversations these past few months and plenty these past few days.
I have been very open and honest about who I am and how I am doing. I have asked for opinions and advice, I have shared probably way more than I "should" with way too many people. But truth is, I don't actually feel that way. I am okay with what I have shared and when I have shared it because I understand why. Maybe the other person or people do not and they have not appreciated it (I have not felt that often, but have felt it) and that is okay too. I don't think they need to appreciate it. I do hope to respect peoples boundaries though.
That is a hard thing.
To be clear about our boundaries.
I think my boundaries are not always clear to people because they are very different. I am very comfortable outside of the box and I have found that life is more satisfying and interesting when I step outside my comfort zones so I have come to live there a bit more than many people are comfortable with. However this does not mean that I do not have boundaries or that I do not know my own boundaries, in fact I think the opposite is true. Like a rancher would needs to test his fence to be sure his boundaries are secure, my testing of my boundaries helps me know my boundaries and keep me safely in them.
Going back to sharing too much- I hope that people will realize that some of their doubts and or insecurities with me may be more reflective of their own doubts and insecurities than actual problems with me. I am not you nor you I and I can never truly understand the world or your perceptions from your perspective just as you cannot from mine. And that is what makes communication so difficult.
Communication really is manipulation.
Humans are manipulation.
We are constantly manipulating. Everything around us, everything that we are, it is all manipulated ...by so many forces.
So why would I be upset about being manipulated? It's a judgement thing. Is it a "good" manipulation or is it a "bad" manipulation?
boundaries, manipulation, interpretation... Life
Life it is an adventure and I want to enjoy the adventure everyday. I do most days and even on days that I don't I still do.
But our adventures are not alone. We are all in this together. which is why I have been okay with so liberally sharing who I really am whatever that may look like in the moment and I have been so glad for people sharing who they are and their moments with me. Things may not always work out as planned and that is okay. I am not really minding because I am learning to be okay with me and I am okay with things being what they are when they are.
This post is proving to be... disjointed feeling? and definitely different. I wonder how easy or difficult this free flow style may be to follow?
But staying true to letting things be what they are when they are I'll keep this and add
my disclaimer.
The disclaimer I have shared with people I have told about my blog: This blog is a therapeutic and artistic outlet I am utilizing to help me process my thoughts, feelings, emotions and circumstances. It is not, however, reflective of me as a whole and individual entries are reflective of where I was in that moment and may or may not be reflective of how I am currently or permanently feeling or thinking.

I am glad that I have learned and grown as much as I have over the years. I am glad for my self-awareness, I mostly love my crazy little world, and I am eternally grateful for the new me... Which brings me to a very important point: Forgiveness. I can easily look back and see how damaging and careless mistakes were made. I have documented enough and am intelligent enough to see, looking back, that it is possible there was/is a darker side to my ex-therapist and I could easily paint the picture of a diabolical scheme. But as I have been navigating and working through the new and buried, crazy and unstable territories of my broken brain I know that my ex-therapist has helped me immensely despite his shortcoming and mistakes. He is a talented and brilliant neuropsychologist and I really admire him. Yes, he hurt me deeply, and his defensive actions almost destroyed me... but only as much as his faith and confidence in me built me up.
I remember having a distinct impression of Yin and Yang while fighting so hard for a compromise with him. There was no compromise. He and his staff had decided how it would be with me and that I was no longer allowed to meet with him when I so desperately needed his followthrough. But I also know that even if their reasons were wrong and they caused harm that I still have the power to restore the balance, at least for me. I cannot simply forget and walk away but I can forgive. I can recognize both the "good" and the "bad" for me and see that all the colors in addition to those two black and white judgements has been a really interesting, educational and a worthwhile life changing adventure. I will be okay. I will be better than okay. and I am glad to have that be a part of me.
So in a more straightforward nutshell I feel I am coming to terms and I feel I am making my peace with things and though I may be a pain in the ass at times I am okay with who I am and who I have been and I do not feel malice toward or wish to harm the man or the business that I know is so desperately needed. Though I do hope they will also learn from the mistakes they made with me because, honestly, ex-therapist is good at what he does and what he knows, but so am I.
I am the other side of their profession and I have been working in it since I was 12.