But I started painting instead. And as I paint I am thinking of all I have learned about myself and life through my recent painting practices and how it has helped me process and let go of things...
Then suddenly I have the pressing urge to write about it.
So the canvas and paint, and even the container of water, all still sit on the floor while I come on here to type it out.
I am embracing my crazy and accepting me for who or what I am in this moment. I have the time and the space to do that right now. In this moment and I am in a safe and comfortable space. so why fight it?
It is nice to have this space.
I am glad that I am safe and comfortable in this moment.
In the picture I am painting I see texture and color that is interesting to me, engaging, but still a bit uncomfortable in it's current form.
My paintings are messy
colorful and blended
rarely are their harsh bold straight lines
there are clear lines and boundaries but so often they are blended and integrated.
Integrating and combining so many colors and textures. I love the colors and textures.
So very often I paint sideways, at an angle.
So much of it doesn't make sense.
I blend colors that are not meant to be blended and I very often don't clean my brush before switching colors.
I am rarely trying to paint something specific. I just let what ever come out.
The brush may speak to me, and the colors. But nothing is very intentional. just playful, learning, exploring and curious.
I don't like a lot of what I am painting or I find it uncomfortable. I look at my creations often and think "that is really ugly" or "that was a mistake"
so I keep going.
Until it no longer looks like a mistake
or until it makes sense to me
or until I just feel done for the time being.
Occasionally something comes out rather quickly and the picture tells me it is done.
I am not always done at that point so then I paint something else or revisit a previously abandoned piece.
I am not a skilled or talented artist but I love and enjoy this process. I love and enjoy my work. I have even hung some on the walls.
and even though others may think I am odd or may not care for my art I am happy with it and
they make sense to me.
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| A picture that told me when it was complete. The harsh straight lines are not my work but rather cracks in the wood that is its canvas. |
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