A little while back my daughter wanted me to watch the movie Inception with her. It’s been awhile and I’d forgotten that I had seen it before.
It’s an interesting concept; breaking into people’s brains to retrieve memories and information. There is a lot I could say about the movie but I’m going to keep this short.
My favorite observation about this move is how they plant the idea and convince the audience that the inception of ideas that can lead to desired outcomes (or different outcomes) is difficult. The creators of this move flatter their audiences into believing that humans are not so easily swayed and manipulated, which then makes their influence that much more powerful while being less detectable.
It’s very fascinating to me how easily influenced and deceived people are all the while believing that it’s their own unique thoughts, or that their perception is entirely their own and cannot be not easily changes.
From what I’ve observed it seems, if people are not aware of how fallible their thoughts and brains can be than their brains are much more easily influenced by others. And more often than not they are easily influenced by people who are looking to gain some form of power or control. Or money.
Inception is Hollywood’s super power.
And lawyers. They are very good at influencing people through the inception of ideas that greatly benefit them.
Monday, July 20, 2020
Friday, July 17, 2020
Back on Track
Back on track.
I really appreciate how I am able to get back on track so much more easily now. I am grateful and happy to say that it is much easier to turn my thinking around.
Today I had a follow up with psychiatric PA. It has been three "inadvertent" months, and I was happy to report that I am good and have been good. It was a bit bitter sweet though because, I'll admit ,I have kind of missed seeing her so regularly. So while it is good I don't need to see her so frequently I am also sad I don't get to see her more frequently.
And even this makes me happy because I am just that, happy.
I take hits and I have found myself awkwardly responding to gestures of friendship, evidence of just how much I have been scarred by friends through this journey of mine. It surprises me because I think I am "recovered" only to find that I don't know how to have friends anymore.
Oh well.
I'll keep working on it.
And this is really why I am coming on here today at all, because my anger and hurt that fueled my triggered processing the other day threatened to isolate me again by allowing the pain of those that have been not so kind, not so fair, and not so available (at all) to override all the good that I have experienced from people.
I will be honest and say that the overwhelming response has been generally apathetic when I really did need help and support and some of the things people have said and done and ways I have been treated have been really shocking, but that (and they) matter far less than those that have helped.
Like my psychiatric PA. I am so grateful for her.
As part of her assessments she asked about things I am already forgetting about, like the suicidal thoughts. It felt so good to report that they are pretty much gone and I didn't even cry when I noted that occasionally they will try to gain an audience but they yield no power anymore.
I did, however, tear up as we talked about how I was before. It has been almost a year since I started seeing her. She comments on how she cannot believe they expected me and left me to try and schedule all these appointments on my own when I was in the mental state I was in and considering TBI. (they being those pesky previous providers at the Neuroscience Institute and even other doctors that I did not and do not think are pesky). She felt they should have done the type of referrals where the new facility or doctor calls you to schedule. They absolutely should have.
PA is impressed that I managed. I remember Dr. She saying something similar at a much earlier stage in our relationship; she said she was surprised and impressed that I would even return to a therapist at all.
With PA, I tear up when I once again realize that she and Dr. She very literally saved my life.
It is surprising and some will think that it means something like, "well maybe it wasn't really that bad," to which I will say, please remember I loved and trusted the people at the Neuroscience Institute and I wanted nothing more than to have things reconciled and to have them work with me to understand what the hell was going on with my head, and this is exactly why it was sooo bad, how they treated and betrayed me, but the real cold hard truth of the matter is I was in the most difficult and bizarre fight for my life and I was determined not to give up. I wanted to be better. I wanted to live. I knew that what I was experiencing was not right and my brain and body were fading and they were fading bad. It was progressing rather quickly and I did not have much time left. I was loosing ground. I would not have lasted much longer. Plain and simple.
I don't know how it would have ended. I really have no idea. But my light was dying, my energy was fading, insanity or whatever it was, was winning and I was dying.
I knew that. And I know that. And that is the only reason why I somehow managed to get those appointments set and to get there. People have no idea how hard it really was just to find the courage to call.
But those realities, and that truth, when your life is hanging in the limbs, that keeps you fighting harder than you really are capable of. If my state of health had not been as bad as it really was, I would not have done any of it. I very well might have turned bitter and jaded. I may have deteriorated more slowly. I don't know but I am confident that one of the great ironies or paradoxes of my situation was that I had to fight harder then I was capable of in oder to save my self.
And back to,
the following through
with giving credit where credit is due:
It was also likely due to the few who showed concern at all that I was able to keep at it. My kids. My husband. My aunt and uncle who were the only people to respond to my facebook plea, after my ankle surgery, when I said I needed visitors. My physical therapist, Doug, and a few people I had the pleasure to interact with there. My friend CP who, when I told her I was hurt but that I knew it was likely because I was extra sensitive to rejection at that time, she apologized and asked me what was going on. She made sure she was extra sensitive to me. My sister who, despite some misunderstandings, kept occasionally checking on me and actually asked how I was doing. Another sister who, though she is far and forgets often, actually called the patient advocate and tried to help me. Bob, who kept checking up on my blog and actually checked in on me occasionally, a few others I worked with, that have been continuously kind. My boss at the new job I had (and had to leave) at the time I was fading that kept believing in me in so many little ways. People on Quora that appreciated my answers and insight.
This is how I am a success, I appreciate the little things and see the good even when I am hurting and fading. I keep working to come back to those. And it gets easier and easier. Now I am getting better at letting go of "bad" friends and people who are not so healthy to be around. I can still hurt but I know it is not me and I don't have to accept being treated as second class.
So back to being a success story is fine by me.
A success because I define mine based on my own core values and realistic expectations.
To me I am a success if I can find joy and magic in life and if I can help others in some small way.
So I am a success pretty much everyday now. 😁 And I thank you for helping me by reading me.
I really appreciate how I am able to get back on track so much more easily now. I am grateful and happy to say that it is much easier to turn my thinking around.
Today I had a follow up with psychiatric PA. It has been three "inadvertent" months, and I was happy to report that I am good and have been good. It was a bit bitter sweet though because, I'll admit ,I have kind of missed seeing her so regularly. So while it is good I don't need to see her so frequently I am also sad I don't get to see her more frequently.
And even this makes me happy because I am just that, happy.
I take hits and I have found myself awkwardly responding to gestures of friendship, evidence of just how much I have been scarred by friends through this journey of mine. It surprises me because I think I am "recovered" only to find that I don't know how to have friends anymore.
Oh well.
I'll keep working on it.
And this is really why I am coming on here today at all, because my anger and hurt that fueled my triggered processing the other day threatened to isolate me again by allowing the pain of those that have been not so kind, not so fair, and not so available (at all) to override all the good that I have experienced from people.
I will be honest and say that the overwhelming response has been generally apathetic when I really did need help and support and some of the things people have said and done and ways I have been treated have been really shocking, but that (and they) matter far less than those that have helped.
Like my psychiatric PA. I am so grateful for her.
As part of her assessments she asked about things I am already forgetting about, like the suicidal thoughts. It felt so good to report that they are pretty much gone and I didn't even cry when I noted that occasionally they will try to gain an audience but they yield no power anymore.
I did, however, tear up as we talked about how I was before. It has been almost a year since I started seeing her. She comments on how she cannot believe they expected me and left me to try and schedule all these appointments on my own when I was in the mental state I was in and considering TBI. (they being those pesky previous providers at the Neuroscience Institute and even other doctors that I did not and do not think are pesky). She felt they should have done the type of referrals where the new facility or doctor calls you to schedule. They absolutely should have.
PA is impressed that I managed. I remember Dr. She saying something similar at a much earlier stage in our relationship; she said she was surprised and impressed that I would even return to a therapist at all.
With PA, I tear up when I once again realize that she and Dr. She very literally saved my life.
It is surprising and some will think that it means something like, "well maybe it wasn't really that bad," to which I will say, please remember I loved and trusted the people at the Neuroscience Institute and I wanted nothing more than to have things reconciled and to have them work with me to understand what the hell was going on with my head, and this is exactly why it was sooo bad, how they treated and betrayed me, but the real cold hard truth of the matter is I was in the most difficult and bizarre fight for my life and I was determined not to give up. I wanted to be better. I wanted to live. I knew that what I was experiencing was not right and my brain and body were fading and they were fading bad. It was progressing rather quickly and I did not have much time left. I was loosing ground. I would not have lasted much longer. Plain and simple.
I don't know how it would have ended. I really have no idea. But my light was dying, my energy was fading, insanity or whatever it was, was winning and I was dying.
I knew that. And I know that. And that is the only reason why I somehow managed to get those appointments set and to get there. People have no idea how hard it really was just to find the courage to call.
But those realities, and that truth, when your life is hanging in the limbs, that keeps you fighting harder than you really are capable of. If my state of health had not been as bad as it really was, I would not have done any of it. I very well might have turned bitter and jaded. I may have deteriorated more slowly. I don't know but I am confident that one of the great ironies or paradoxes of my situation was that I had to fight harder then I was capable of in oder to save my self.
And back to,
the following through
with giving credit where credit is due:
It was also likely due to the few who showed concern at all that I was able to keep at it. My kids. My husband. My aunt and uncle who were the only people to respond to my facebook plea, after my ankle surgery, when I said I needed visitors. My physical therapist, Doug, and a few people I had the pleasure to interact with there. My friend CP who, when I told her I was hurt but that I knew it was likely because I was extra sensitive to rejection at that time, she apologized and asked me what was going on. She made sure she was extra sensitive to me. My sister who, despite some misunderstandings, kept occasionally checking on me and actually asked how I was doing. Another sister who, though she is far and forgets often, actually called the patient advocate and tried to help me. Bob, who kept checking up on my blog and actually checked in on me occasionally, a few others I worked with, that have been continuously kind. My boss at the new job I had (and had to leave) at the time I was fading that kept believing in me in so many little ways. People on Quora that appreciated my answers and insight.
This is how I am a success, I appreciate the little things and see the good even when I am hurting and fading. I keep working to come back to those. And it gets easier and easier. Now I am getting better at letting go of "bad" friends and people who are not so healthy to be around. I can still hurt but I know it is not me and I don't have to accept being treated as second class.
So back to being a success story is fine by me.
A success because I define mine based on my own core values and realistic expectations.
To me I am a success if I can find joy and magic in life and if I can help others in some small way.
So I am a success pretty much everyday now. 😁 And I thank you for helping me by reading me.
Thursday, July 16, 2020
Breaking, We all eventually do. Even You
So today has been rough as more harsh realities, that far too many people face, are hitting again.
I have people making me wrong again to ease their burden of conscience. I am getting very tired of that common and tragic human trait.
I am trying to gauge if some of the issues may be due to a pendulum swing in me. I am determined to be patient and kind to myself. I know I at least deserve that.
I think about being triggered yesterday and I think my emotions may be a bit heightened still from that. I have thought to delete, or "revert to draft," my post from yesterday. But I think I need to leave it to be true to the reality of wretched parts of this processing and progressing business.
I am entitled to have bad moments. My brain has to work extra hard at impulse control anyway soo I may have allowed it to not-have-to work so hard at it yesterday.
I did edit the facebook post and took off the link to the blog post... because I really do understand the harsh realities of judgments I will not escape.
As my pendulum swings, I may be too blunt and even without meaning to I am often calling people out on their shit so I probably do that too much.
Sigh...
sigh...
sigh...
I have learned so very much through this process and the harsh realities of life really are so harsh. I remember reading Viktor Frankls book and thinking, "but people are still just like this, only they mask it with their professions" and it is very disturbing.
People go along with abuse all of the time, people don't stand up or speak out when bad things are happening and the people in positions of power far too often do not care about anything other then themselves, money and power. It is very often how they got there. It sounds so cliche and we don't want to believe it but I am seeing it again and again. If you do not have significant wealth or influence you will never win no matter how wrongly you were treated and people will jump right on the bandwagon of perpetuating harm often simply because they want to align themselves with wealth and power.
I think I don't relate very well to this and it seems to cause me a lot of problems.
So when that one guy said, "I am okay with being wrong," I mostly interpreted based on my own perspective and my own innate character which is why I thought he meant something similar to things I have said about being okay with being wrong.
When I have said things like this I meant that it is okay to make mistakes and not beat yourself up over it. I have also said it in the form of, "I would rather say it and be wrong than not say it and be right," in attempt to help others from befalling a negative circumstance. Like warning others about a potential scam or like when I called my ex-brother-in-law out on his abuses and manipulations of my family member. I was right and my speaking up made a difference multiple times. I was okay with being wrong because helping someone else was more important than being comfortably right in my silence.
Renée, my sweet petite guardian angle, has said it so many times because she has lived it and seen it occurring so ridiculously frequently with TBI survivors, that "they [those who did not endure the tragedy] can't handle it [their own pain, your observations, the truth etc.] so they have to make you wrong."
Today, as I repeated what she has taught me about how people "have to make you wrong" Dr. He's words, "I am okay with being wrong," came back into my mind and I realized that he and I were not on the same page in the use of these words. Now I understood what he most likely meant - a thing that I just don't relate well enough to in order to have picked up on the very real threat he was making- that he would make me wrong, that he was okay with making mistakes and would do everything in his power to hide and cover those if he felt they threatened him and his livelihood in any way.
It seems that he meant something completely opposite of what I have used that phrase for.
Yin and Yang.
It is often so hard to see what we don't relate to.
...and I guess I do it too.
but probably far less than you do
because my brain has been cracked open
and so have I;
broken by
the realities of insanity.
I at least know the limitations of my stability
and the delusions of my illusions
Do you?
Not many do
when lateral, efficient, undisturbed, un-traumatized thinking has always worked for them.
It's a neuroplasticity thing, you wouldn't understand
...but you can learn too 😀
And I sincerely hope you do
Because someday you will break too.
Pray it does not get the best of you
because the breakings often do.
It even has a name
We call it Death.
And now I am going to make cookies
because it has been one of those days
...and I am learning
as I continue to work on changing my negative core perceptions of myself
I have people making me wrong again to ease their burden of conscience. I am getting very tired of that common and tragic human trait.
I am trying to gauge if some of the issues may be due to a pendulum swing in me. I am determined to be patient and kind to myself. I know I at least deserve that.
I think about being triggered yesterday and I think my emotions may be a bit heightened still from that. I have thought to delete, or "revert to draft," my post from yesterday. But I think I need to leave it to be true to the reality of wretched parts of this processing and progressing business.
I am entitled to have bad moments. My brain has to work extra hard at impulse control anyway soo I may have allowed it to not-have-to work so hard at it yesterday.
I did edit the facebook post and took off the link to the blog post... because I really do understand the harsh realities of judgments I will not escape.
As my pendulum swings, I may be too blunt and even without meaning to I am often calling people out on their shit so I probably do that too much.
Sigh...
sigh...
sigh...
I have learned so very much through this process and the harsh realities of life really are so harsh. I remember reading Viktor Frankls book and thinking, "but people are still just like this, only they mask it with their professions" and it is very disturbing.
People go along with abuse all of the time, people don't stand up or speak out when bad things are happening and the people in positions of power far too often do not care about anything other then themselves, money and power. It is very often how they got there. It sounds so cliche and we don't want to believe it but I am seeing it again and again. If you do not have significant wealth or influence you will never win no matter how wrongly you were treated and people will jump right on the bandwagon of perpetuating harm often simply because they want to align themselves with wealth and power.
I think I don't relate very well to this and it seems to cause me a lot of problems.
So when that one guy said, "I am okay with being wrong," I mostly interpreted based on my own perspective and my own innate character which is why I thought he meant something similar to things I have said about being okay with being wrong.
When I have said things like this I meant that it is okay to make mistakes and not beat yourself up over it. I have also said it in the form of, "I would rather say it and be wrong than not say it and be right," in attempt to help others from befalling a negative circumstance. Like warning others about a potential scam or like when I called my ex-brother-in-law out on his abuses and manipulations of my family member. I was right and my speaking up made a difference multiple times. I was okay with being wrong because helping someone else was more important than being comfortably right in my silence.
Renée, my sweet petite guardian angle, has said it so many times because she has lived it and seen it occurring so ridiculously frequently with TBI survivors, that "they [those who did not endure the tragedy] can't handle it [their own pain, your observations, the truth etc.] so they have to make you wrong."
Today, as I repeated what she has taught me about how people "have to make you wrong" Dr. He's words, "I am okay with being wrong," came back into my mind and I realized that he and I were not on the same page in the use of these words. Now I understood what he most likely meant - a thing that I just don't relate well enough to in order to have picked up on the very real threat he was making- that he would make me wrong, that he was okay with making mistakes and would do everything in his power to hide and cover those if he felt they threatened him and his livelihood in any way.
It seems that he meant something completely opposite of what I have used that phrase for.
Yin and Yang.
It is often so hard to see what we don't relate to.
...and I guess I do it too.
but probably far less than you do
because my brain has been cracked open
and so have I;
broken by
the realities of insanity.
I at least know the limitations of my stability
and the delusions of my illusions
Do you?
Not many do
when lateral, efficient, undisturbed, un-traumatized thinking has always worked for them.
It's a neuroplasticity thing, you wouldn't understand
...but you can learn too 😀
And I sincerely hope you do
Because someday you will break too.
Pray it does not get the best of you
because the breakings often do.
It even has a name
We call it Death.
And now I am going to make cookies
because it has been one of those days
...and I am learning
as I continue to work on changing my negative core perceptions of myself
Wednesday, July 15, 2020
TRIGGERED in a BIG WAY!
https://anchor.fm/dr-timothy-speicher/episodes/Kelsey-Boyer--Professional-Snowboarder--Shares-her-Story-of-Brain-Recovery-egnbse/a-a2morjn
A friend sent me a link to this Podcast.
I start to listen
I had to stop.
I cannot believe how bad I am being triggered by this!!!! I want to type all this in caps except I know that can be annoying to read. But I have to process. I have not been triggered like this is awhile. I did not think it was even possible anymore. but I am sick. shaky. knotted throat, crying and ANGRY!!!
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY. I cannot escape it and it takes me a bit before I even realize what I am doing; I am irrationally pacing while my hand is trying to pound some sort of solution into my forehead...
I need to process this. I cannot listen right now. Maybe never. But
THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH IS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!
I can't even listen long enough to hear how the story plays out. I am furious. AND I am so angry about the lack of support and help from friends, family and coworkers that I had. I am so angry that I had no-one speaking up for me. I am so angry that this is happening to other people like this lady and like me. It's so bad it is even happening to people who have a voice and some influence. How many more are there, like me, who are nobodies?
I am so ANGRY that the ONE place in this WHOLE DAMNED state that REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER IS DOING THE SAME SHIT AS the doctors who "might not know as well"
At one point her internal voice said, "your brain is bleeding" but then I hear her say, when the professionals told her she was fine she believed them.
SHE GETS IT!!!
When the "experts" tell you that you are fine you believe it even when you know you are not.
SOMEBODY ELSE GETS IT!!!!
She even "seemed fine" and passed their stupid little concussion tests well enough the way I did.
My head feels like it is going to explode now and I am both excited and terrified.
MOSTLY Terrified and also
hurt again
because I am so very alone
no matter how positive I am, no matter how much credit I give.
I have been tooo damn alone in this insane battle for my brain.
When I knew something more was happening. When the institution that could have found this and helped me through it was betraying me because I am of no significance... I was too alone
My friends and family just don't give enough of a shit to help me get the help I need.
They don't care enough to care. And many will even make me wrong just to ease their burden of conscience.
WHAT A FREAKING SHIT SHOW!
And right now, in this moment, I have to be very very careful because I want to blow up on a whole lot of people in a very big way that will only prove them right for being such shitty friends... So why the hell not?
I don't want them or need them!
....
I'm having to work real hard to talk myself out of sending a lot of angry words.
So I suppose I will tell you why the hell not: because it will always hurt and it will never satisfy. They will never care, they will never listen, they have me pegged and nothing I can do will change that. It does not matter to them that I have been literally fighting for my life, my brain, my stability, my sanity, even my family, they don't care and will not see. They will just spread more bad words and be even bigger jerks, justified no matter what I do.
But I know they are not.
And it hurts
a lot
over and over again
but I will not stoop to their level of apathy or ignorant disregard for a person who has been their friend.
Those friends are not likely to read this and if they do I doubt it will change anything but in the event that one or two might, YOUR WELCOME for not blowing up on you or being the pain in the ass you think I am or have even accused me of being. Your welcome for not pointing out how shitty it for a nurse friend that suspected mania, to say things like “I can’t believe your still talking about this” when I come to you for help as it is first dawnsInt on my manic broken brain that I may have been being groomed and that may have been part of why I was still so screwed up and hung up on things
Your Welcome to all of you that this anger applies to for not blowing up on you and for exposing how shitty you can be.
But if you are a friend or family that Actually does care please consider reaching out to help me fight this problem that is bigger than just me. Please lend some support where you can to help hold the Neuroscience Institute accountable and to educate the "experts" so that we, people with TBI's, can actually get the help we need before further damage is done AND so that the harm that is being caused by the medical and psychological providers stops!
...and maybe I won't be arguing both sides... I already tried. I already tried to give them the benefit of the doubt 1000x10 times, but all they have done is use it against me.
A friend sent me a link to this Podcast.
I start to listen
I had to stop.
I cannot believe how bad I am being triggered by this!!!! I want to type all this in caps except I know that can be annoying to read. But I have to process. I have not been triggered like this is awhile. I did not think it was even possible anymore. but I am sick. shaky. knotted throat, crying and ANGRY!!!
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ANGRY. I cannot escape it and it takes me a bit before I even realize what I am doing; I am irrationally pacing while my hand is trying to pound some sort of solution into my forehead...
I need to process this. I cannot listen right now. Maybe never. But
THE SHIT I WENT THROUGH IS HAPPENING TO OTHER PEOPLE!!!
I can't even listen long enough to hear how the story plays out. I am furious. AND I am so angry about the lack of support and help from friends, family and coworkers that I had. I am so angry that I had no-one speaking up for me. I am so angry that this is happening to other people like this lady and like me. It's so bad it is even happening to people who have a voice and some influence. How many more are there, like me, who are nobodies?
I am so ANGRY that the ONE place in this WHOLE DAMNED state that REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER IS DOING THE SAME SHIT AS the doctors who "might not know as well"
At one point her internal voice said, "your brain is bleeding" but then I hear her say, when the professionals told her she was fine she believed them.
SHE GETS IT!!!
When the "experts" tell you that you are fine you believe it even when you know you are not.
SOMEBODY ELSE GETS IT!!!!
She even "seemed fine" and passed their stupid little concussion tests well enough the way I did.
My head feels like it is going to explode now and I am both excited and terrified.
MOSTLY Terrified and also
hurt again
because I am so very alone
no matter how positive I am, no matter how much credit I give.
I have been tooo damn alone in this insane battle for my brain.
When I knew something more was happening. When the institution that could have found this and helped me through it was betraying me because I am of no significance... I was too alone
My friends and family just don't give enough of a shit to help me get the help I need.
They don't care enough to care. And many will even make me wrong just to ease their burden of conscience.
WHAT A FREAKING SHIT SHOW!
And right now, in this moment, I have to be very very careful because I want to blow up on a whole lot of people in a very big way that will only prove them right for being such shitty friends... So why the hell not?
I don't want them or need them!
....
I'm having to work real hard to talk myself out of sending a lot of angry words.
So I suppose I will tell you why the hell not: because it will always hurt and it will never satisfy. They will never care, they will never listen, they have me pegged and nothing I can do will change that. It does not matter to them that I have been literally fighting for my life, my brain, my stability, my sanity, even my family, they don't care and will not see. They will just spread more bad words and be even bigger jerks, justified no matter what I do.
But I know they are not.
And it hurts
a lot
over and over again
but I will not stoop to their level of apathy or ignorant disregard for a person who has been their friend.
Those friends are not likely to read this and if they do I doubt it will change anything but in the event that one or two might, YOUR WELCOME for not blowing up on you or being the pain in the ass you think I am or have even accused me of being. Your welcome for not pointing out how shitty it for a nurse friend that suspected mania, to say things like “I can’t believe your still talking about this” when I come to you for help as it is first dawnsInt on my manic broken brain that I may have been being groomed and that may have been part of why I was still so screwed up and hung up on things
Your Welcome to all of you that this anger applies to for not blowing up on you and for exposing how shitty you can be.
But if you are a friend or family that Actually does care please consider reaching out to help me fight this problem that is bigger than just me. Please lend some support where you can to help hold the Neuroscience Institute accountable and to educate the "experts" so that we, people with TBI's, can actually get the help we need before further damage is done AND so that the harm that is being caused by the medical and psychological providers stops!
...and maybe I won't be arguing both sides... I already tried. I already tried to give them the benefit of the doubt 1000x10 times, but all they have done is use it against me.
Arguing Both Sides
So here is something I have noticed about people: They often work like pendulums, often erring too far in the opposite direction to try and compensate for mistakes they have made. Or, maybe even more common, they swing to far the other way to try and compensate for mistakes others have made that they felt had a negative effect on them. Which often, ironically, leads to the very same outcome or something at least as "bad;" sometimes even worse.
I find that I pendulum swing.
At one point I was having a conversation with my husband about how I have been so insecure and how I have far too often allowed myself to be treated as a second class citizen. I told him that I hope I don't pendulum swing too far in the other directions as I try to figure out some of these very delicate psychological, psychological, social and cultural balances. He said, "you will." the following conversation proved that he was not saying this to be snide but rather letting me know that it was to be expected, allowed and even okay. He also expressed his confidence in me and my solving skills because he knows that I'll not stay too far one way but will continue to work to find an appropriate center. This conversation meant a lot to me.
And as I allow the pendulums of me to swing I think on
This innocence thing... and Occam's razor...
*
I can honestly argue both sides and I have. But what it really seems to come down to is that the term "ethical" is treated, within the industry and from people in positions of power, as if psychologists and doctors have exclusive rights, so what ever they deem is ethical is unquestionably accepted as such regardless of whether the taken action really is ethical or not.
Truthfully, if all were playing fair and according to the spirit of their laws, (not the easily convoluted the letters of the laws), they all know I should not have been treated the way I was, blamed and shamed, or accused of "behaving inappropriately" -which, by-the-way, is also quite stupid because they also have it documented that I was not being terminated for doing anything wrong.
...and considering what I was dealing with, handling and managing through, the only thing "inappropriate" about my behavior was that I wasn't "inappropriate" enough to keep them from being able to deny what I was physiologically going through and trying to manage.
It was so convoluted. and I don't want to dig up too much, but I have some things that are running through my head again that I think are worth writing about. Some of those things point to deviant and others point to not-so-deviant.
And I wonder if there was some pendulum swinging that led to Dear Dr. He's possible deviance with me.
I know my pendulum has been all over the place and while body chemistry is not swinging so wildly anymore I still have many troubles to balance out and as I try to compartmentalize and move on some things are nagging. There are issues here that are significant and relevant to more than just me. My situation exposes problems that need to be addressed on a much larger scale than just me and my situation. And as I try to figure out how this is to be done I feel it important to share a few of the remembered phrases that beg to be explained (not listed in order except the last):
"I do not believe in forever anymore"
"I told you not to try and solve this."
"You only see what I allow you to see."
"I could lose my license because of you"
"I wonder if sharing this [painting] with me is like exposing yourself to a lover for the first time?"
"I am not meant to be with just one woman."
"You love me?" (inflection of significance)
"I am a snake?" (inflection of significance)
"Do you want a hug?"
"I have tested your brain in ways you don't know"
"I don't do well with blurred boundaries"
"I do not need more friends"
"At least you have that outlet"
"I am good at connecting with people"
"I could never really open up and be vulnerable with you because I would always want to protect you"
"because of how easily we connected and you being an attractive woman I will never have anything to do with you outside of therapy because I could see myself falling in love with you"
"Unfortunately their is still a human element to all of this"
"Why, are you a stalker?"(inflection of significance)
"I would have to be okay with that"
"I am going to let it burn out and I suggest you do the same."
"I am okay with being wrong"
...
So many things said, this is not a complete list, and one could say, "Well taken out of context..." but they are also indications of deviance considering his knowledge and training.
Now I am going to make people uncomfortable with some common knowledge that common folks don't necessarily have but therapists do:
1. It is not uncommon for TBI survivors to become some level of promiscuous after TBI. People who work with TBI survivors know this.
2. TBI, especially in my specific locations, can affect impulse control.
3. One of the very common symptoms of mania is increased sex drive
.... And, dear friends, I have exposed enough of myself on this here blog and eluded to enough that I might has well be straightforward on this topic and openly confess that this was one of my symptoms associated with my mania. And it was intense. I am very lucky I did have an outlet. It may have even been the silver lining that saved my marriage.
I also have significant sympathy for those who have not been as fortunate as I in outlet and upbringing. I cannot even begin to imagine trying to manage that kind of hyper-arousal without a willing and able partner and solid standards and boundaries.
I believe because I was raised with strong and clear values and boundaries about sexual activity and because I do not have the psychological mess that comes with sexual abuse (that far too many girls have) my level of deviance in this area has not been very high after either TBI. My teen years were tricky, but I am proud to say I was a virgin until marriage (at the rip old age of 21) and I did not do anything sexually inappropriate with Dr. He (or any other man/person) even when the odds seemed stacked against me.
So could Dr. He, being a neuropsychologist and a psychologist/therapist before that, really have innocently said and done the things he did? Considering how he "held all the cards," was in a position of power, knows those 3 common symptoms, implied serious attraction (slyly neither confirmed nor denied but rather implied), and he asked if I wanted a hug, aka physical contact....
...Obviously he was not innocent or he would not have been concerned about loosing his license.
Yes, he knows better
and processing from stability makes it very clear, which also makes the avoided diagnosing, testing and treating accurately all that much more suspicious and deviant. My guess is that with my intelligence, experience, and my stability was much more threatening to them then my instability. In other words keeping me unstable made hiding their mistakes and deviance easier if I had been stable and/or stabilized. I didn't stand a chance going up against them in my instability, but in my stability I did. Does not matter that all I wanted was help in stabilizing and I was not interested in pursuing any type of action against them for their mistakes.
hmmm, the entire institution then appears to be deviant to an almost incomprehensible level, don't they?
And yet I still would give him the benefit of the doubt, had they not compromised my safety by denying mania and continuing down the path of misdiagnosis when those manic symptoms should have alerted them to what I had been trying to tell everyone all along; that there was something more going on with my head and that I felt I was manifesting better than my brain was really doing. MRI and doctors that are not trying to deny and hide have confirmed this.
But,
even still,
maybe due to the bizarre form of a Pollyanna that I am,
and having lived being me and not me due to head injury,
I know that things are often not as they seem and sometimes people really are much more innocent than they are manifesting ...
-and I even still, in spite of all that he has proven to me about how little regard he has for me, my health and my safety, I am trying to protect him and feel bad sharing so publicly the things he said that could get him into trouble, even though I know these conversations need to be had. Is it sad and silly that I would still wish to protect him and make amends with them? aah the oddities of human psychology-
sooo
My next blog entry will argue the other side
....Duhn Duhn Duhn...
to be continued...
*PLEASE NOTE: I would rather, and I have made every reasonable effort I could to, have the following conversation with Dr. He, and the Intermountain Neuroscience Institute, however, they have not only refused to allow any conversation about this or clarification on diagnosis and prognosis, but have also retaliated by tainting my medical records, terminating me form the entire facility and have a lawyer threaten me, using false allegations, in an attempt to quiet me about what happened to me there.
I find that I pendulum swing.
At one point I was having a conversation with my husband about how I have been so insecure and how I have far too often allowed myself to be treated as a second class citizen. I told him that I hope I don't pendulum swing too far in the other directions as I try to figure out some of these very delicate psychological, psychological, social and cultural balances. He said, "you will." the following conversation proved that he was not saying this to be snide but rather letting me know that it was to be expected, allowed and even okay. He also expressed his confidence in me and my solving skills because he knows that I'll not stay too far one way but will continue to work to find an appropriate center. This conversation meant a lot to me.
And as I allow the pendulums of me to swing I think on
This innocence thing... and Occam's razor...
*
I can honestly argue both sides and I have. But what it really seems to come down to is that the term "ethical" is treated, within the industry and from people in positions of power, as if psychologists and doctors have exclusive rights, so what ever they deem is ethical is unquestionably accepted as such regardless of whether the taken action really is ethical or not.
Truthfully, if all were playing fair and according to the spirit of their laws, (not the easily convoluted the letters of the laws), they all know I should not have been treated the way I was, blamed and shamed, or accused of "behaving inappropriately" -which, by-the-way, is also quite stupid because they also have it documented that I was not being terminated for doing anything wrong.
...and considering what I was dealing with, handling and managing through, the only thing "inappropriate" about my behavior was that I wasn't "inappropriate" enough to keep them from being able to deny what I was physiologically going through and trying to manage.
It was so convoluted. and I don't want to dig up too much, but I have some things that are running through my head again that I think are worth writing about. Some of those things point to deviant and others point to not-so-deviant.
And I wonder if there was some pendulum swinging that led to Dear Dr. He's possible deviance with me.
I know my pendulum has been all over the place and while body chemistry is not swinging so wildly anymore I still have many troubles to balance out and as I try to compartmentalize and move on some things are nagging. There are issues here that are significant and relevant to more than just me. My situation exposes problems that need to be addressed on a much larger scale than just me and my situation. And as I try to figure out how this is to be done I feel it important to share a few of the remembered phrases that beg to be explained (not listed in order except the last):
"I do not believe in forever anymore"
"I told you not to try and solve this."
"You only see what I allow you to see."
"I could lose my license because of you"
"I wonder if sharing this [painting] with me is like exposing yourself to a lover for the first time?"
"I am not meant to be with just one woman."
"You love me?" (inflection of significance)
"I am a snake?" (inflection of significance)
"Do you want a hug?"
"I have tested your brain in ways you don't know"
"I don't do well with blurred boundaries"
"I do not need more friends"
"At least you have that outlet"
"I am good at connecting with people"
"I could never really open up and be vulnerable with you because I would always want to protect you"
"because of how easily we connected and you being an attractive woman I will never have anything to do with you outside of therapy because I could see myself falling in love with you"
"Unfortunately their is still a human element to all of this"
"Why, are you a stalker?"(inflection of significance)
"I would have to be okay with that"
"I am going to let it burn out and I suggest you do the same."
"I am okay with being wrong"
...
So many things said, this is not a complete list, and one could say, "Well taken out of context..." but they are also indications of deviance considering his knowledge and training.
Now I am going to make people uncomfortable with some common knowledge that common folks don't necessarily have but therapists do:
1. It is not uncommon for TBI survivors to become some level of promiscuous after TBI. People who work with TBI survivors know this.
2. TBI, especially in my specific locations, can affect impulse control.
3. One of the very common symptoms of mania is increased sex drive
.... And, dear friends, I have exposed enough of myself on this here blog and eluded to enough that I might has well be straightforward on this topic and openly confess that this was one of my symptoms associated with my mania. And it was intense. I am very lucky I did have an outlet. It may have even been the silver lining that saved my marriage.
I also have significant sympathy for those who have not been as fortunate as I in outlet and upbringing. I cannot even begin to imagine trying to manage that kind of hyper-arousal without a willing and able partner and solid standards and boundaries.
I believe because I was raised with strong and clear values and boundaries about sexual activity and because I do not have the psychological mess that comes with sexual abuse (that far too many girls have) my level of deviance in this area has not been very high after either TBI. My teen years were tricky, but I am proud to say I was a virgin until marriage (at the rip old age of 21) and I did not do anything sexually inappropriate with Dr. He (or any other man/person) even when the odds seemed stacked against me.
So could Dr. He, being a neuropsychologist and a psychologist/therapist before that, really have innocently said and done the things he did? Considering how he "held all the cards," was in a position of power, knows those 3 common symptoms, implied serious attraction (slyly neither confirmed nor denied but rather implied), and he asked if I wanted a hug, aka physical contact....
...Obviously he was not innocent or he would not have been concerned about loosing his license.
Yes, he knows better
and processing from stability makes it very clear, which also makes the avoided diagnosing, testing and treating accurately all that much more suspicious and deviant. My guess is that with my intelligence, experience, and my stability was much more threatening to them then my instability. In other words keeping me unstable made hiding their mistakes and deviance easier if I had been stable and/or stabilized. I didn't stand a chance going up against them in my instability, but in my stability I did. Does not matter that all I wanted was help in stabilizing and I was not interested in pursuing any type of action against them for their mistakes.
hmmm, the entire institution then appears to be deviant to an almost incomprehensible level, don't they?
And yet I still would give him the benefit of the doubt, had they not compromised my safety by denying mania and continuing down the path of misdiagnosis when those manic symptoms should have alerted them to what I had been trying to tell everyone all along; that there was something more going on with my head and that I felt I was manifesting better than my brain was really doing. MRI and doctors that are not trying to deny and hide have confirmed this.
But,
even still,
maybe due to the bizarre form of a Pollyanna that I am,
and having lived being me and not me due to head injury,
I know that things are often not as they seem and sometimes people really are much more innocent than they are manifesting ...
-and I even still, in spite of all that he has proven to me about how little regard he has for me, my health and my safety, I am trying to protect him and feel bad sharing so publicly the things he said that could get him into trouble, even though I know these conversations need to be had. Is it sad and silly that I would still wish to protect him and make amends with them? aah the oddities of human psychology-
sooo
My next blog entry will argue the other side
....Duhn Duhn Duhn...
to be continued...
*PLEASE NOTE: I would rather, and I have made every reasonable effort I could to, have the following conversation with Dr. He, and the Intermountain Neuroscience Institute, however, they have not only refused to allow any conversation about this or clarification on diagnosis and prognosis, but have also retaliated by tainting my medical records, terminating me form the entire facility and have a lawyer threaten me, using false allegations, in an attempt to quiet me about what happened to me there.
Monday, July 13, 2020
Dr. She and telling this story
Conversation with Attorney Friend has me processing all over again, which, honestly is kind of annoying, but still somehow helpful.
I talked with Dr. She today. She explains what Attorney Friend does not understand about my situation: that under the circumstances of his profession and training there is no such thing as innocent flirting. The only innocence can be from my side of things and they are trained to handle that. They know that not only is no flirting allowed but that it can also be very harmful to the client.
It is good that she explains this to me again and I see that, even though it is annoying, processing this again from my current mental state it is actually not a bad thing. I even had explained this without realizing how accurate I was to Attorney Friend; that ultimately as the rules for his profession stand they imply that any form of flirting by the therapist is a form of grooming.
I have a very clear understanding of this now and my processing is helping me still.
AND
Most exciting, I am not a mess. I can actually handle it this time and there have been no or almost no tears. This time my heart is still whole and my confidence holds.
I AM SO HAPPY about these details.
I point out to Dr. She that I have had to process this from so many different places, stages and phases.
And I also point out how the betrayal feels so widespread because of how vulnerable I really was and how unwilling anyone was to help or report. And why is that? Basically because it is so incomprehensible to people; therefore they would rather make you wrong.
Hell, I was even doing it to myself; constantly looking for reasons to believe and trust them when my best interest was the last thing they cared about.
Through fresh eyes, and armed with the power of knowledge and experience, I now KNOW he was very deviant in his intentions with me... He knows far too much to be able to claim innocence.
My intuition and many years of experience and education from the other side of the couch are not insignificant and should not be ignored.
I talked with Dr. She today. She explains what Attorney Friend does not understand about my situation: that under the circumstances of his profession and training there is no such thing as innocent flirting. The only innocence can be from my side of things and they are trained to handle that. They know that not only is no flirting allowed but that it can also be very harmful to the client.
It is good that she explains this to me again and I see that, even though it is annoying, processing this again from my current mental state it is actually not a bad thing. I even had explained this without realizing how accurate I was to Attorney Friend; that ultimately as the rules for his profession stand they imply that any form of flirting by the therapist is a form of grooming.
I have a very clear understanding of this now and my processing is helping me still.
AND
Most exciting, I am not a mess. I can actually handle it this time and there have been no or almost no tears. This time my heart is still whole and my confidence holds.
I AM SO HAPPY about these details.
I point out to Dr. She that I have had to process this from so many different places, stages and phases.
And I also point out how the betrayal feels so widespread because of how vulnerable I really was and how unwilling anyone was to help or report. And why is that? Basically because it is so incomprehensible to people; therefore they would rather make you wrong.
Hell, I was even doing it to myself; constantly looking for reasons to believe and trust them when my best interest was the last thing they cared about.
Through fresh eyes, and armed with the power of knowledge and experience, I now KNOW he was very deviant in his intentions with me... He knows far too much to be able to claim innocence.
My intuition and many years of experience and education from the other side of the couch are not insignificant and should not be ignored.
Saturday, July 11, 2020
Occam's razor - The Complexity of over Simplifying
Innocent and debatable....
maybe I am continuing that.
But holy crap, and other not so nice exclamatories,
what a mess I was in those days of the breaking of me by D -ea- r. Perri Cherie (Dr. He).
It was not at all fair.
...
I am writing again, The attempt at a book about my adventures in that Weird Wonderland.
I am very pleased to report that the burdens have lifted significantly. My review, to help lift the heavy burden of the need to warn others, has worked and is holding with minimal efforts.
I am glad for that.
And it is making it possible for me to write about out my very bizarre mind altered experiences without being triggered or breaking apart emotionally.
I am letting go.
While and by doing something about it.
But it has not been easy and when I go back and read the things I wrote at that point in breaking time it is very clear why.
...
Occam's razor
Attorney friend mentioned with the thought that maybe it really was as simple as he "was attracted to you and it is just not that hard to believe"
But Occam's razor as described by the wikipedia link is that the solution is simple. That would have been the problem, not the solution.
It is possible that was the main problem. And if the problem was that simple they may have oversimplified their solution to the problem: get rid of me.
Which, unfortunately, becomes very complex for me because that was not my problem, nor why I was there.
Honestly, in looking at it from the problem perspective and not the solution, I think this situation may be opposite of an Occam's razor in that the problem was not simple, but rather complex simply because of the sheer number of issues that came into play:
1. I had a TBI that was misdiagnosed or under diagnosed and this was still unknown or being denied at that point in time
2. I was dealing with a very real form of PTSD which
3. had me processing this head injury from both a childish and adult place
4. I was having memories return
5. Dr. He had some of his own emotional baggage he was dealing with
6. transference
7. countertransference
8. he had blurred boundaries with me
9. I did not realize #7 or the extent or reality of #8
10. I loved and trusted him maybe too much and for many reasons
11. He was not just a therapist for me but also a medical provider
12. He had developed feelings
13. He was scared and acting on his fears
14. I was paying for his services
15. My patient rights were denied but I was still expected to pay for services that I was not allowed clarification on
16. I was, in fact, manic and NO that is not debatable if the definition is what it is.
17. the simplicity of a therapist being attracted to a client is not allowed and is forbidden and taboo in the industry or psychology. It is also handled really stupidly in an overly simplified way that is simply abusive to the client. It is a perpetuation of problems, abuses and harm they have likely experienced in their past.
...
I am sure their are more
but my point is, it was not one simple problem which means utilizing the standard of one overly simplified solution was not likely the best or most responsible solution; that overly simplified solution being: the expectation of immediate termination it a therapist has not kept countertransference in check (as mentioned in problem 17).
A simple solution, yes. A good or responsible solution? HELL NO!
However, I do believe the best solution, especially if only one is allowed, was very simple:
Listen to me and treat me for the symptoms I was experiencing. They even have this as a solution as listed in their Patient Rights, but they refused to honor those for me.
That very simple solution would have made a world of difference. It would have ended the insanity quickly which would have brought me to this point of stability much quicker and with much less pain and trauma to myself, my kids, my husband, the institution itself and probably even Dear Perri Cherie.
and in all honesty
I think the solution is still rather simple, the Neuroscience Institute could actually respectfully try to talk with me and consider utilizing me and my expertise. They could learn, I could learn, and we could all work together to make some seriously needed and beneficial changes that could help them treat more people more effectively and really improve the outcomes for TBI survivors.
It really can be just that simple.
But alas, they have not allowed it to be, and have vilified me, which suggests that true simple problem really is deviant and their most simple solution was to cover and hide.
So, as much as I love this idea of the problem simply being an innocent attraction, it just is not so and,
going back to what I actually originally came on here to write about,
my documenting of what was happening to me, my "Self discovery report" proves this easily because I was clearly not of sound mind and not being treated correctly by the experts that had a responsibility and obligation to help me.
...
As far as the writing goes, that crap is intense and bizarre.
And as I try to write the book, about that time in my life, I realize, regardless of how embarrassing it is, I am going to have to include some of that crap in my book. I will need to include it because, in my right mind, I am incapable of effectively illustrating that level of intensity and insanity and any attempt will fall short in helping people to see the reality of what someone is truly experiencing when they are broken like I was.
...Yet, apparently, from an outside perspective I was managing well enough. ???
Psychologists and doctors still have a lot to learn and a very long way to go
and
It is not until they start listening to the other side, stop stigmatizing and negative stereotyping their patient/clients, and until they stop punishing, vilifying, ignoring, and/or feeling threatened by people who are actually managing their mental health/illnesses well that they will truly start progressing, improving diagnosis and treatment options, and helping people on a larger and more consistent scale.
And if Occam's razor applies to any of this, maybe it is in that way, because the most simple solution usually starts first with first seeking to understand (Covey).
maybe I am continuing that.
But holy crap, and other not so nice exclamatories,
what a mess I was in those days of the breaking of me by D -ea- r. Perri Cherie (Dr. He).
It was not at all fair.
...
I am writing again, The attempt at a book about my adventures in that Weird Wonderland.
I am very pleased to report that the burdens have lifted significantly. My review, to help lift the heavy burden of the need to warn others, has worked and is holding with minimal efforts.
I am glad for that.
And it is making it possible for me to write about out my very bizarre mind altered experiences without being triggered or breaking apart emotionally.
I am letting go.
While and by doing something about it.
But it has not been easy and when I go back and read the things I wrote at that point in breaking time it is very clear why.
...
Occam's razor
Attorney friend mentioned with the thought that maybe it really was as simple as he "was attracted to you and it is just not that hard to believe"
But Occam's razor as described by the wikipedia link is that the solution is simple. That would have been the problem, not the solution.
It is possible that was the main problem. And if the problem was that simple they may have oversimplified their solution to the problem: get rid of me.
Which, unfortunately, becomes very complex for me because that was not my problem, nor why I was there.
Honestly, in looking at it from the problem perspective and not the solution, I think this situation may be opposite of an Occam's razor in that the problem was not simple, but rather complex simply because of the sheer number of issues that came into play:
1. I had a TBI that was misdiagnosed or under diagnosed and this was still unknown or being denied at that point in time
2. I was dealing with a very real form of PTSD which
3. had me processing this head injury from both a childish and adult place
4. I was having memories return
5. Dr. He had some of his own emotional baggage he was dealing with
6. transference
7. countertransference
8. he had blurred boundaries with me
9. I did not realize #7 or the extent or reality of #8
10. I loved and trusted him maybe too much and for many reasons
11. He was not just a therapist for me but also a medical provider
12. He had developed feelings
13. He was scared and acting on his fears
14. I was paying for his services
15. My patient rights were denied but I was still expected to pay for services that I was not allowed clarification on
16. I was, in fact, manic and NO that is not debatable if the definition is what it is.
17. the simplicity of a therapist being attracted to a client is not allowed and is forbidden and taboo in the industry or psychology. It is also handled really stupidly in an overly simplified way that is simply abusive to the client. It is a perpetuation of problems, abuses and harm they have likely experienced in their past.
...
I am sure their are more
but my point is, it was not one simple problem which means utilizing the standard of one overly simplified solution was not likely the best or most responsible solution; that overly simplified solution being: the expectation of immediate termination it a therapist has not kept countertransference in check (as mentioned in problem 17).
A simple solution, yes. A good or responsible solution? HELL NO!
However, I do believe the best solution, especially if only one is allowed, was very simple:
Listen to me and treat me for the symptoms I was experiencing. They even have this as a solution as listed in their Patient Rights, but they refused to honor those for me.
That very simple solution would have made a world of difference. It would have ended the insanity quickly which would have brought me to this point of stability much quicker and with much less pain and trauma to myself, my kids, my husband, the institution itself and probably even Dear Perri Cherie.
and in all honesty
I think the solution is still rather simple, the Neuroscience Institute could actually respectfully try to talk with me and consider utilizing me and my expertise. They could learn, I could learn, and we could all work together to make some seriously needed and beneficial changes that could help them treat more people more effectively and really improve the outcomes for TBI survivors.
It really can be just that simple.
But alas, they have not allowed it to be, and have vilified me, which suggests that true simple problem really is deviant and their most simple solution was to cover and hide.
So, as much as I love this idea of the problem simply being an innocent attraction, it just is not so and,
going back to what I actually originally came on here to write about,
my documenting of what was happening to me, my "Self discovery report" proves this easily because I was clearly not of sound mind and not being treated correctly by the experts that had a responsibility and obligation to help me.
...
As far as the writing goes, that crap is intense and bizarre.
And as I try to write the book, about that time in my life, I realize, regardless of how embarrassing it is, I am going to have to include some of that crap in my book. I will need to include it because, in my right mind, I am incapable of effectively illustrating that level of intensity and insanity and any attempt will fall short in helping people to see the reality of what someone is truly experiencing when they are broken like I was.
...Yet, apparently, from an outside perspective I was managing well enough. ???
Psychologists and doctors still have a lot to learn and a very long way to go
and
It is not until they start listening to the other side, stop stigmatizing and negative stereotyping their patient/clients, and until they stop punishing, vilifying, ignoring, and/or feeling threatened by people who are actually managing their mental health/illnesses well that they will truly start progressing, improving diagnosis and treatment options, and helping people on a larger and more consistent scale.
And if Occam's razor applies to any of this, maybe it is in that way, because the most simple solution usually starts first with first seeking to understand (Covey).
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