Dear Magnificent Masterminds of the Medical Malpractice Model,

 Trying to make this as difficult and stressful as possible on me is in fact accomplishing your purpose of causing increased physical harm. 

Which just spurs me on and reminds me why I cannot give up. 

And maybe that is your goal, because my guess, dear Attorney, is that the longer you have me engaged in this fight the more money YOU make-

Does not matter to you the expense or the toll it will have on EVERYONE ELSE. 

Whatever your game, I see through you and I won't be quitting just because you know how to be a mean and nasty bully. 

I'd rather DIE fighting then give in to your malicious-intent. 

Sincerely, 

Defending All Parties from you

Inspiration for the Ethically Discarded

 I have disappeared from my home and family so that I can focus on writing my book. I'm very fortunate to be able to stay at a family members vacation rental about an hour and 1/2 away from home. It is an ideal set up for me to tackle this book that was writing itself for sometime as I struggled to process and stay ahead of the mania, effects of TBI, and a careless (or deviant) neuropsychologist. 

And, as if to confirm that this is precisely where I need to be and what I need to be working on, I had a chance encounter with a lovely couple from New Jersey this morning. The lady makes a half comment half comment question about the hot spring filled crater we are both admiring. I direct them to the even bigger crater across the road that is quite impressive and should not be missed if you are in the area. Excited to check it out they thank me. I ask where they are from. They answer and then ask if I live here. I say yes, thinking of the state then, correct my mistake explaining that I am from the state but that I live elsewhere and am just here for a writers retreat to focus on writing a book. That then spurs a new conversation which leads to me explaining a bit about the book I am writing. 

The lovely couple has a family member with bipolar, so without my having to disclose that I also have bipolar, they figured out that this was one of the conditions I have and was writing about. The husband is more quiet but the wife expresses interest in reading my book. She asks what the title will be. I forget to tell her what the title is (at this point) as I explain that I am a nobody so it may be hard to get published in a way that will be easy to find with just the title alone. Plus I know the title could change, especially if I actually find a publisher. So I give her this blog address and my name instead so she can find the book easily when I either get it published by a publisher or figure out how to self publish it. 

As I continue on my walk I start to worry about how this blog might be very overwhelming to most people and I realize that I didn't give her the current title as it stands. So I wish to share that and links to articles on this blog that I feel are especially important and that might help people make better sense of this blog and my intentions for writing it.  

The title of my book, as it stands is, "Ethically Discarded." 

Breaking, We all eventually do, Even you

Redefining Crazy 

The Magnificent Masterminds of the Medical Malpractice Model

The Jesus Man

I Walk Alone (what I wish I could teach the world about suicidal symptoms)

Bipolarity: The confusion and effects

https://amicrazy2.blogspot.com/2020/09/to-insi-for-unlawful-carnal-knowledging.html

There are more I would like to link to but these are few topics off the top of my head that I think are of crucial importance to this blog and the story and help I would like to share with others. For most, I kept all the blog entry links that showed up in the search so there are plenty of entries to read with those above links. However, I most recommend reading the entries that are first on the link and that have the title I share here. 

And now I need to turn my focus back to my book, but before I do I would just like to comment on the condition of bipolar and why I appreciate that this couple so easily offered up that they have a family member with the condition:

Bipolar is a very misunderstood condition that needs to be talked about a lot more than it already is. We really do need to raise awareness in order to: 1. Combat the irrational fears about it and people that have it 2. Help those who have it manage it better and have access to resources to help them manage this life altering and life threatening condition. 3. Get more research and funding for research on it. 4. Save lives, livelihoods, and relationships. 5. Combat the discrimination, stigmas, biases, etc. that cause very real and tragic problems for many people and that feeds negative thinking patterns and ideas in those who do have the condition.  

Thank you Lovely New Jersey couple for the brief but encouraging conversation and thank you for sharing with me just enough to inspire me today. 

No Complaint

 Decision. 

It has been so hard for me to do. 

"That is why I have not encouraged you one way or another," says Dr. She. Because she knows, as history has shown, that it is not likely to go anywhere that will benefit me in any way. She is also a bit concerned that this reality would be another hit to my self worth, esteem, and faith in humanity. 

Faith in humanity -I'll be tangential for a moment- is not something I currently have. Faith in God and higher powers is where I am choosing to put my trust, because humans, I have learned, cannot be trusted and all with turn depending on the circumstances, some more easily than others. So that does not seem to matter, the faith in humanity component, except that for some strange Taoist reason it still does. 

So what is the "it" I speak of?

The complaints I feel need to be filed against the Intermountain Neuroscience Institute, the mysterious "director" who shall not be named (they would not name him/her to me, which is rather suspicious when you consider that he/she was the supposed judge of the "investigation" they had me do through their "patient experiences team" ), the office director Melissa Minton, my multiple times misdiagnosing and then negligent ex-medical doctor Dr. Cara Camiolo Reddy, my misdiagnosing and possibly grooming ex-neuropsychologist Dr. Jon Pertab, the deceptive and dishonest patient advocate Jodi Allen, and the rest of the obviously gossipy staff there. Complaints that should be filed with licensing boards, legal authorities, etc. 

I feel as though this is coming out in a rather kersplat-splat form, so please bear with me... Maybe I will simply list the points I'd like to make here; the confession I am confessing (in no particular order, or maybe precisely in order, I don't quite know as kersplat-splat I go):

• I am naming names on this blog entry, my freedom of speech needing to be honored and protected in order to hold accountable, in someway, those who caused harm to me and are very likely to have caused and are currently causing harm to others as well. A person is rarely the only one in such situations and considering how it was handled, it is very obvious I am not the only one being harmed by IHC and/or the Intermountain Neuroscience Institutes policies, practices and providers. I have vacillated on naming names and currently names have been replaced throughout my blog, to protect myself, but on this entry they stay. 
• They stay, because I will not be reporting to all of those places. I know I have said I will and it should all be reported, but I have tested those waters by reporting the attorney that misrepresented himself as a malpractice attorney and for $1500 wrote a response to the letter from the bullying lawyer who claimed to be representing Jon Pertab, Jodi Allen and the Intermountain Neuroscience Institute, and then acted for months as if he were collecting records and gathering reports from expert witnesses. With the exception of the initial contract and the letter that simply stated we will not cease and desist and that he was investigating, nothing ever materialized. When it became obvious he was not ever going to follow through with anything he said he was going to do we fired him. Neither records nor refund have ever materialized even though we requested both several times. So, I decided to test the waters on this lesser but clear, obvious and straightforward offense. Nothing. Why bother reporting if nothing comes of it? 
• That just causes more harm to me. 
• And it also has the potential to feed the beastly IHC practices of dishonesty and deception. If they can get away with it, they will continue. 
• Even if they were "honest mistakes" (which many clearly were not) they will feel as if they are the victim and further stigmatize and distrust their patients who are not what they mistakenly and egregiously think they are. In other words, they will feel/believe the Magnificent Masterminds of the Medical Malpractice Model, their unnecessary attorneys, and continue in those thinking and perception errors that cause so much harm to their patients. 
• In regards to the possibly not-so-honest mistakes, for example, if Jon Pertab really is a mischievous manipulative mastermind who grooms patients for his own pleasures, then his ego, sense of power and confidence in what he can get away with may be stroked to the next level by knowing just how easily he can and does get away with it. His power over his clients and sense of superiority greatly increased as my value and worth, power and voice is repeatedly invalidated, ignored, and decreased.  Yang devouring Yin as it so often does in this world of masculine favoring disproportions. 
• I know it is ridiculous and completely unrealistic but I still would rather work things out with that Institution and those named above than be their enemy. I would happily revise this, I would happily revise my google reviews, I would love for them to be what I originally believed them to be, and I would rather help them to become it. I want them to help people in ways they have potential to, so I suppose I also don't report because I still have a shred of hope for that. I hope they are honest but misguided. I hope they can be better than they have been. I hope they will choose to correct their mistakes instead of digging their heels in and perpetuating harm... as I right it I know how unrealistic that is, they have proven so solidly that they really just don't care.... but I would rather cling to a thread of hope then have that thread severed by the last possible level of "accountability" also disregarding the problems that cost me too much and nearly my life. 

So, my confession? I will not be reporting. It seems rather pointless to put my energies there and to hope that any good will come of it. Instead I have done what I can by publishing reviews on google and writing on this here blog. That is more likely to help other patients and potential patients than going through their motions and trying to report to the other powers and egos that they pay licensing fees to. 

IHC sadly solidly maintains their position of "absolute power corrupts absolutely," and a person as small as me holds no sway. It is sad and heartbreaking the lack of honesty and accountability by so many involved, and I hope they are better than they have proven to be with me, but it is time for me to move past this idea of reporting so my mind can be free to work on the things that I can do that actually might go somewhere and benefit others. 

...And this idea makes me feel happy and lighter.  

So no complaint, but rather I will rely on my constitutional right to Freedom of Speech. 

overcoming bigotry

 My brain is tired and sad. I am tired. Somethings take a lot out of you. I am supposed to be over the shock of our most recent hit, but I am not. I am shocked by many. I am shocked by people in professions that I respected and have stood up for more times than I could count.

I feel drained and it is so hard to get up in the morning. 

The hope and encouragement of "you will help so many people," feeling like it is slipping away with every hit.

I hope I can actually overcome this one. I hope that this time things will actually end fairly and people will accept and/or be held accountable for their damaging mistakes and actions.

I try to stay positive. And I do.

But I am tired. 

Fortunately, a week or so ago, while checking email, I paid attention to one of the Quora.com messages. It contained a question that a person had asked about their therapist of nine years terminating them due to "negative transference." I feel for this person. One of my favorite answering psychotherapists gave yet another beautiful and sympathetic answer. But I still felt like the person might also benefit from an answer from their side of the couch. So I offered an honest, straightforward answer that I hope will help. https://qr.ae/pNVEGm here is the link if you care to read. 

So it was nice yesterday, when I was trying to go through emails for the purposes that are heartbreaking and exhausting, to see a new quora.com message stating that I had some upvotes and a reply to my comment. Already over 2 thousand people have read my answer. This means there are others. This means there really is a problem that I am trying to help people with. 

I was very happy to see that not only had I received upvotes but I had three appreciative comments. I helped at least three people by being honest and sharing my experience and knowledge. I am grateful, so grateful, for those comments. It reminds me why I keep going. It gives me some strength when I am feeling so weak and tired and when others are falsely accusing simply to try and save their own hide from their own mistakes. 

On another note of positive I have been thinking, if I don't make it into the PHD or the masters programs I applied for, at least I know I am in good company since they only accept 6-30% of the applicants. 

One more random side note: One thing that was nice about the crises of my imbalanced state that was being denied by the medical providers that were supposed to be my team, at least then I knew I was doing the best I could. Now I am a bit of a shadow and I hide, procrastinate and avoid much more than I care to admit. ...A pathetic case of learned helplessness after the beatings from those superior institutions and their prestigiously titled bigots. This is what I am working to overcome now and it is kind of funny to think that one silver-lining to that very serious crises I was in due to misdiagnosis and straight up malpractice, was that at least then I knew I was doing the very best I could. I held on and I survived despite their sacrificing me to the magnificent masterminds of the medical malpractice model... or just their careless and harsh reckless endangerment. Hah. 

Good night. 

 

Arguing Both Sides: Part 1 The Magnificent Masterminds of the Medical Malpractice Model

Even still my solving brain continues. I may be slower than I used to be and maybe others have already figured this out from my story but my stable processing brain -that is still trying to figure out what my responsibilities are, how hard I want to keep working to solve in a way that eases my mind and consciences and helps in an overarching way- and my mind that now craves some level of justice [preferably through reform] has recently had an epiphany.

An epiphany, that looks more like a puzzle that is finally coming together to reveal the secret of the whole picture that was hidden in plain sight within all of the small and scattered individual puzzle pieces.

The epiphany that came when I considered writing a letter myself to the attorney that claims to be representing a few of the IHC individuals and the Neuroscience Institute. 

The Epiphany that told me this would be a bad idea 

and here is why:

That lawyer does not care about me. He, very likely, does not care about them either. He most likely cares about his pay check and probably his ego too, and listening to me in a way that will help me (and them) is not in the best interest of his paycheck. Not only that but -and I may be going out on a limb here- I’m guessing he makes more $ the harder he has to work to defend the medical providers he works for. …

… ?!?!!!!

Flashbacks:

•   "I could loose my license because of you," says Dr. He but I do not understand because I know I had done nothing to make that true and I know the threat is not coming from me. He could not loose it because of me unless I pursued some serious actions to make that happen and I had not desire or intention to do that ever. It did not make sense. So my possible fallacy was thinking the threat must be from IHC. After all he had also said "you don't know the other side of things."

• Friend who has been a nurse for IHC for years is explaining their policies and how they are trained, [or conditioned] to handle mistakes if they make them, “If we make a mistake we are not supposed to talk to the person. We have to deny it because of all of the frivolous lawsuits...”

• Another friend who has worked at a non IHC hospital for years, “… they can’t admit they made a mistake and they are especially not allowed to talk to the patient about it if they did because of all the frivolous lawsuits.”
• Others who have repeated similar reports of how they are expected to handle mistakes.
• My discoveries time and time again and being told by attorneys and others about "Torte Reform" and how "the laws are stacked in their favor." Reading the Utah Malpractice Act and seeing just how heavily they really are stacked in their favor and how heavy our politicians have made the Burden of Proof on patients and their families - patients that are already suffering physically and psychologically from conditions that led them to the medical providers in the first place and that the medical providers have then made worse.
• The many conversations with my Attorney friend in which he has explained that there has been significant studies and research that proves there are significantly less lawsuits when doctors admit they made a mistake and work with the patient to correct the problem.
• This information, found here https://www.dkowlaw.com/practice-areas/medical-malpractice, that states:

“The American Association for Justice summarizes the findings from key peer-reviewed sources on the extent of medical malpractice and medical errors:
-Some 440,000 patients die every year from preventable medical errors. [Journal of Patient Safety]
-Preventable medical errors cost our country tens of billions of dollars a year. [Institute of Medicine]
-One in three patients who are admitted to the hospital will experience a medical error. [Health Affairs]
-Studies of wrong site, wrong surgery, wrong patient procedures show that “never events” are happening at an alarming rate of up to 40 times per week in U.S. hospitals. [Archives of Surgery]
-Medical negligence lawsuits amount to just one-half of one percent of all health care costs. [Congressional Budget Office]
-Medical negligence cases represent well under 2 percent of all civil cases. [National Center for State Courts]
-Researchers at Harvard University found that 97 percent of cases were meritorious, concluding, “Portraits of a malpractice system that is stricken with frivolous litigation are overblown.” [New England Journal of Medicine]”  I wonder, of those 3% of non-meritorious lawsuits how many won? And how many of the meritorious medical negligence cases how many of those actually won?

• My thoughts time and time again of, “What exactly have I stumbled onto here?” as the cover ups, mistreatment, and refusals to clarify and talk with me continued despite my best efforts to help them understand I was “just trying to figure out what was going on with my head.”
•  "they are setting you up" pointed out to me, by family members that work within/for two of The Systems.
• The warnings Dr. She has given me about “what they will put you through” coupled with her observations of them and me, and her hope that I am strong enough to fight this battle and to seek justice, but her careful and very limited encouragement for going the "legal route."
• "I have the power to check that box," said by a medical provider as a threat to my friend who had been abused and betrayed and who had already lost so much and not been protected by the Legal System.
• How people are terrified to be on the wrong side of IHC.
• Dr. Tangled, who was, "not afraid to report," until it came right down to it and coincidentally after she "poured over my medical records." It is worth noting that one of her own had also misdiagnosed me, even before the Neuroscience Institute had.
• this article: The Missing Victims of Healthcare Fraud
• https://amicrazy2.blogspot.com/2019/01/my-scarlet-letter.html

...
Sooo many pieces to this perplexing puzzle….

And I see, very clearly, a very significant part of what was and has been happening to the other side of this story that has led to such a debacle of me.

The attorneys. The high powered, best of the best, clever and articulate, well paid attorneys that work for the hospitals and medical powerhouses.

The attorneys that know the Systems and how to work them best of all. The attorneys that know how to debate and know how to cunningly convince people to support their position regardless of right or wrong.

Is it they who have the medical providers eating out of their dirty little palms; seeking protection, from the fallacies of their own thinking that were inception style planted and then nurtured by those sneaky experts who imposingly and imperiously fed those fallacies to them in the first place? Those Medical providers, Now slaves, to their fictitious fears that are fed by the Masters from the fattened flesh of their own ever increasing attorney fabricated fallouts and fallacies.

Maybe I need to state this more clearly.

The attorneys that are paid significant amounts of money to protect medical providers are very likely the same people that train them on “how to protect yourself from malpractice suits,” when there really is no need for this or, at very least, training and policies need to drastically change because the laws are written to the degree of "no need to worry about malpractice suits.” It seems the actual medical providers do not know or understand how well the laws  are stacked so heavily in their favor that a suit against them is virtually impossible for a patient to win no matter how bad, frequent and obvious the malpractice is. Heck, nearly impossible to even find someone to try and represent you for arbitration.
Are their attorneys the the tale spinning masterminds that have your medical experts convinced that patients (you) are the enemy? Are they the reason providers are convinced that we, the patients, are completely unwilling to forgive or be reasonable in addressing mistakes when they are made? Are they the reasons practitioners and providers refuse to see or accept that they made a mistake? That last one may be sheer doctor ego, but I am guessing there is plenty artificial ego soothing and stroking done by their attorneys to keep them confident in their continued progression down the malpractice path.

I am certain they are The Ones that our providers consult when they have made a mistake. SO what advice do YOU think these Legal Experts are giving to our highly valued, beloved, and trusted providers that may have made a mistake with you?

Hmmm, When do they make money? When do they make the most? Whose best interest do they have in mind?

As long as your medical provider continues down the path of malpractice their attorneys keep getting paid. AND (my guess) the bigger, worse, or more obvious the malpractice is, the more the doctor will need the lawyer and the more $ the lawyer will make. I am sure it also strokes the egos of many to be able to say they won in an obvious case of malpractice. 

Plus IHC has the funds to outlast most of us in a court of law. 

Do you really think they are being given "legal advice" that is in the "best interest" of the patient or even in the best interest of the institution or medical providers that are currently so disproportionately protected by the laws?

So maybe, there was some innocence to my beloved betrayers after all? Maybe the manipulations were more significant elsewhere? 

And maybe our doctors are being indoctrinated to believe some very wrong and very harmful things about us, their patients, just so attorneys can collect the big bucks by preying on fears and fallacies that they, the attorneys, planted and then nurture.