overcoming bigotry

 My brain is tired and sad. I am tired. Somethings take a lot out of you. I am supposed to be over the shock of our most recent hit, but I am not. I am shocked by many. I am shocked by people in professions that I respected and have stood up for more times than I could count.

I feel drained and it is so hard to get up in the morning. 

The hope and encouragement of "you will help so many people," feeling like it is slipping away with every hit.

I hope I can actually overcome this one. I hope that this time things will actually end fairly and people will accept and/or be held accountable for their damaging mistakes and actions.

I try to stay positive. And I do.

But I am tired. 

Fortunately, a week or so ago, while checking email, I paid attention to one of the Quora.com messages. It contained a question that a person had asked about their therapist of nine years terminating them due to "negative transference." I feel for this person. One of my favorite answering psychotherapists gave yet another beautiful and sympathetic answer. But I still felt like the person might also benefit from an answer from their side of the couch. So I offered an honest, straightforward answer that I hope will help. https://qr.ae/pNVEGm here is the link if you care to read. 

So it was nice yesterday, when I was trying to go through emails for the purposes that are heartbreaking and exhausting, to see a new quora.com message stating that I had some upvotes and a reply to my comment. Already over 2 thousand people have read my answer. This means there are others. This means there really is a problem that I am trying to help people with. 

I was very happy to see that not only had I received upvotes but I had three appreciative comments. I helped at least three people by being honest and sharing my experience and knowledge. I am grateful, so grateful, for those comments. It reminds me why I keep going. It gives me some strength when I am feeling so weak and tired and when others are falsely accusing simply to try and save their own hide from their own mistakes. 

On another note of positive I have been thinking, if I don't make it into the PHD or the masters programs I applied for, at least I know I am in good company since they only accept 6-30% of the applicants. 

One more random side note: One thing that was nice about the crises of my imbalanced state that was being denied by the medical providers that were supposed to be my team, at least then I knew I was doing the best I could. Now I am a bit of a shadow and I hide, procrastinate and avoid much more than I care to admit. ...A pathetic case of learned helplessness after the beatings from those superior institutions and their prestigiously titled bigots. This is what I am working to overcome now and it is kind of funny to think that one silver-lining to that very serious crises I was in due to misdiagnosis and straight up malpractice, was that at least then I knew I was doing the very best I could. I held on and I survived despite their sacrificing me to the magnificent masterminds of the medical malpractice model... or just their careless and harsh reckless endangerment. Hah. 

Good night.