A Fighting Chance

 "I look forward to working with you on this matter," is how the attorney representing IHC closes her email to me. Is she patronizing?

-Left hand tremor especially prevalent, evidence of TBI misdiagnosis, that named parties dismissed and ignored- 

It makes me shaky inside and out as I know, from my experiences thus far, that this attorney is really saying, "I look forward to destroying you"

and she might just as well add, "while collecting every penny and then some that should be provided to as reparation for the careless and then malicious malpractice." 

Of course, me being me, I hope this is not so and I wish to give her the benefit of the doubt, but my insides know better 

and this attorney and her firm will make unknown times more than I finally asked IHC to refund me when it became evident that I could not trust the services I had paid them for and would need to pay significantly more to actually determine what really was going on with my brain that was the subject of their malpractice. 

That gut, that instinct, coming from my experiences with them, that is what makes me shaky and, yes, I'll admit it, a bit scared, because experience has taught me that she is going to come after me like a blood thirsty hyena with no regard for what is true, fair, just, or that will help me in anyway. My insides know she intends to contribute to and increase further harm caused by my ex-medical providers -that nearly cost me my life and caused many other forms of harm to me and my family. I do not want to assume, but I also know I need to be prepared both mentally and physically for the worst and I suspect she will be just as ruthless and possibly more so than those I am trying to stand up to. 

So why bother with proceeding, you may be asking? 

Because sometimes you have do what is hard because it is the right thing to do. It does not happen very often in life to be truly faced with the opportunity and/or responsibility to do the right thing, but when it does, you cannot escape it. 

I have learned that too. 

One way or another, you have to choose and if you choose to ignore it, avoid it, escape it, "just let it go" etc, it will eat at you like cancer, destroying you slowly until you either choose to stand up for yourself and/or what you know to be right or it destroys you and most, if not all, of what you care about. A cancer that will eventually take your life one way or another through death or by turning you into the cancer that you will then cause to spread to others in ways similar to how it was spread to you. So when you are faced with one of those rare opportunities to do the right thing you have to choose or decay and death will choose for you.  

This is also how you know when you are doing the right thing and if it really matters. 

And clearly I am not alone, or this law firm (that I have been warned intends to destroy me) would not be in business, especially considering just how stacked the laws are in favor of said medical providers. 

It's going to wear on me. It's going to take a toll and I know it. It's going to be harder than I know and I have been warned by other providers about how ruthless they will be... I have already experienced it.

But that is literally why I am fighting this. Causing harm, then hiding it, then deliberately trying to destroy a person to cover up mistakes you made that caused harm to that person is the exact opposite of fair/ethical treatment and justice that our systems are supposed to be offering and protecting. The form and level of bullying and dishonesty that is coming from our medical providers, educational institutions, and legal systems is egregious. The misrepresentation and unfair treatment of people like me is archaic and exhausting. It is exhausting to watch, it is exhausting to experience, and it is exhausting to see it ignored, excused, justified, dismissed, etc. again and again and again. 

It is also heartbreaking.

Which is where I end. Both literally and figuratively. 

This fight will eventually get the best of me and I know it. My heart will eventually fail me and I know it because I feel it. But that is also why I fight- it fails either way but at least fighting, I might just make a difference and help others along the way as well- and maybe, just maybe, they will listen and my heart will be spared, even saved. 

Or maybe it will be good strength training for my heart and I will build its strength up so well that I may live longer with a higher quality of life. 

Maybe, through this, I will strengthen it enough to be able to fight for others whose hearts are still broken and being broken.  Suicide is on the rise and it is no wonder why. We need stronger hearts and our systems that are supposed to be helping need to be fixed. 

So, Dear Attorney, I will not lie or patronize thus I admit, I do not look forward to working with you but I do look forward to working on this matter and I will offer the benefit of the doubt, hoping that your words are sincere instead of patronizing

-because TBI survivor lives matter, people with bipolar matter, patients matter, justice and fairness matter, honesty matters, ethical and fair treatment of all patients matters, mental health and protecting it matters,  and I matter too. 

Sincerely,

Me