At least, not without a Fight.

 So much to do in so little time. Statutes of limitations are rarely fair for the victim. 

There are many problems with our courts, laws, governing bodies, and people and institutions in power. 

Many.

What I don't like most about them right now is the effects it has on my physiology. 

The other day my husband told me that few people are genuinely brave and that I am one of those few people. 

It's not always true. I am not always strong enough to be brave. ...but overall, I suppose it is. 

How long bravery can hold is the real question. How many beatings can the boxer take before he cries out "in his anger and his shame 'I am leaving I am leaving...'" 

..."But the fighter 

Still remains..." 

and that's where I am at. The fighter knows what happened was as wrong as it can be and that the fight needs to be fought because of it. Not just for the sake of self....

It is very hard to be brave sometimes. It is very hard to know what to do and how to fight when the fight is not a straightforward clean fight...and sometimes you have to wait until you are physically and mentally strong enough to be brave again. Brave gets you nowhere when you are too week or too injured to withstand the blows of the offenders. 

It has been a very dirty fight, this has. Fraud used to cover misconduct. Which is why I know I have to settle this once and for all. I have to stand up for myself appropriately proportionate to the opposing levels of misconduct. I won't fight dirty like they have, but my conscience and body tells me I have to fight as much and as hard as I can because of how dirty they have fought me when there should not have been a fight at all; when the focus should have been on health and healing and improving knowledge and practices. 

I also fight because I have to accept the reality of the situations that brought me here. I have to accept the reality of what happened to me and my body and the misconduct and bad practices, ethics, values, morals, etc. that broke me so horribly and then kept breaking me, again and again and again, with reckless disregard, every time I asked for no fight, but understanding and fair treatment....

I am letting whatever comes out come out right now as my body is struggling to maintain the stability we have worked so hard for... 

I do not like, at all, the way my body now responds to stresses and circumstances.

I do not like how it responds to problems that need to be faced, addressed, and fixed. 

I do not like the toll it takes to face Goliaths and groomers...

"I do not do well with blurred boundaries," he says as he breaks and blurs his boundaries and then accuses me for it. 

"I do not have blurred boundaries," I say, "They just look different than others. But they are solid and I know it because I check them and test them, much the same way a rancher tests their fences."

And when a boundary is broken, they fix it... to protect their assets? Or is it for the safety and wellbeing of all parties? Because cows wandering on highways is very dangerous... 

Breaking boundaries, brains, hearts, and souls. Getting other people to go along with it. Going along with the instructions to do and/or increase the breaking. Fraudulently covering misconduct... That is when people need to be stopped. 

I wish it weren't so, but it is. and I won't be sit by when I know there are parties that wage wars on humanity and bravery because they are too cowardice to admit they made mistakes or so deviant that they manipulate others into playing their Nazi-esque games -Followers then following the leader where ever they may go without knowing why or simply because they fear what will happen to them if they take a stand themselves by saying, "stop, there is something not right happening here and I won't go along with it."

Systems are supposed to be in place to prevent this in our civilized world but they are NOT functioning as they should. 

Brave.  

The thing that bothers me the most is how so many people treat this like a game. This is not a game. I am not their toy to play with how they wish. My health and wellbeing is not a game. I know TBI. I now more fully know and understand bipolar. I know what they are all pretending to understand, be experts on, and and to be working to figure out -what they have paid thousands and years to learn. This is not a game for those of us who live with the reality and affects of these conditions. 

Do not try to make me out to be, or into, things that I am not for your amusement, pride, pleasure, ego, fear, or fallacies. 

Learn from me and learn with me but do not try to define me by your limited understanding. Your universities, studies, PhD's and organizations are decades behind. Do not try to destroy me or silence me to hide this. 

Do not try to destroy me to hide your failures, ignorance, deviance, bigotry and misdeeds or to stroke your pride and your egos. 

I will not be your victim.

"Do you think I have been here playing games with you this whole time?" I ask. His silence confirming that he had.