I did it. Today I did it. I filed the Notices of Claims against USU and Cache County Prosecutor's office.
Because I am determined not to allow them to destroy me and I am determined to beat the harm, past present and perpetual, that it is causing me, I am learning a lot on this journey through our legal and judicial systems. For the most part it is not fun and it has been very stressful and distressing. The infliction of emotional distress is very real and it manifested itself today as I hand delivered the Notices Of Claims to the appropriate persons. I opted for that to ensure they were delivered and so I could obtain receipt of delivery immediately. I was not going to gamble with the mysteries and mishaps of electronic or mail deliveries.
So first I took my notice to the county. It was not the office or department I am standing up to that I had to deliver to. Which is probably a good thing for both them and me because it was hard enough being nice to the non-offending receiving department. I did my best and overall I think it went well but they could clearly sense my tension and I felt as though I must have been staring daggers with how on edge they all seemed. It was comical when the man I am obligated to send the notice to was telling me the best way to ensure delivery is to submit it electronically as he was holding the notice in his hand. I tried to relieve the tension with comedy by commenting on my observation of that fact. I am not sure if it did or if it just made him embarrassed. He was nice though and I was glad for it.
Next it was to the University. The Office of Legal Affairs/General Counsel. They were not as fun. The lady was sweet the whole time but the friendly bubbly young attorney was not as friendly as he was presenting and at one point he actually told me to chill out. Which was especially disrespectful and condescending considering how damn good of a job I was doing at maintaining my composure in this lions' den of the Goliath I am trying to take on and that has been playing very nasty games with me and my life for the past year plus. I did not appreciate his comment.
I did however appreciate that Utah Attorney General Assistant that issued the biased report was there so I could address him personally. I was told I would now have to go through various channels because I filed a Notice of Claim, but I at least got to say, "you assumed things about me that aren't true," ask him why he never bothered to consult with/interview me (when he said his decisions were based on what was presented to him), and I got to tell him that his report had many errors and misrepresentations. I told him to read the part of his report where he explains what the officers job was, because that was exactly my complaint: the officer did not do those things- "but then you dismissed my complaint" I reminded him. This attorney was much more professional and seemed more genuinely nice. I appreciated him for listening and explaining things politely, and even taking some time to respectfully listen. I was still mad at him for his part in all of this, but I felt some respect for him.
Then I left and thought of all the things I wish I had said... but that's the thing about intentionally and/or negligently inflicted emotional distress; it comes out and can be hard to contain. I wish I had been on my game and been able to say in that moment to the snarky young attorney, "you see, that's one of the problems for us TBI survivors, its a lot harder to hide our emotional distress. Especially from those people and institutions who have caused it. Now how about you document your witnessing it. Thanks."
I also wish I would have remembered to tell them that while it may be a game to them, they are messing with peoples lives and livelihoods. And USU has been screwing with mine (and my kids) in egregious ways for the past year plus. This is not a game to me.
I maybe would have also liked to have said "Yes, I am and will be representing myself because despite so many University employees' false beliefs about me, I am competent and intelligent enough to do so." but my blood was boiling to much to reply so cleverly when the arrogant young attorney asked if I had an attorney.
I hope they read this so they can hear those things that needed to be said. But I did not beat myself up for not saying them. I won't let them have that power over me and when I left I was actually quite relieved and it felt good. A weight had lifted and I felt a soft tingling wave of pride, peace, and hope wash over me as I drove away and allowed myself to feel whatever it was that I needed to feel in that moment. It was nice.
A confirmation that I am doing the right thing.
So I fight because Goliath does not scare me and I am fighting for so much more than just me and for financial reparation.
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