The Art and Psychology of Procrastination

 I'm glad I am on here less. I am glad I don't need it daily to help me process and progress. However, I still find it helpful.

Today I am thinking about procrastinating. 

I am doing that and I have been. But I don't think procrastination is nearly as iniquitous as it is made out to be. And it can be used constructively. For example it is the best way to shorten a long flight: Bring something you need to get done or have been wanting to do and then procrastinate doing it. Before you know it, you no longer have time to finish and the flight is over! It's amazing how well this little trick works. 

However, I am not sure if the procrastination I am experiencing now is friend or foe. I am procrastinating the applications for the masters and PhD programs. I am running out of time. I am thinking maybe I will not apply at all because I have procrastinated it too much.

Why would I do this? This is so important to me. I really want to pursue that and make a difference "help so many people," the way so many people believe I can. ...

...

...

Rejection. 

That is why.

I think I am self sabotaging because ultimately I am not sure I can handle the rejection that feels inevitable because it is such a long shot. 

And rejection hurts. 

I have been hurt by it a lot.

Here is the other thing about that. If I put my heart and soul into this and I try my hardest to get in,- I do all the research, reach out, play all the games, etc. -and I still get rejected then, once again, I am not good enough, not worth the time, not valued etc... Even though I know I could be invaluable, that matters very little if nobody else sees me as such... AND it hurts so much bigger when your heart is attached and you have put so much of yourself into it. 

Procrastination and self-sabotaging is sooo much safer. Because, at least then, it simply is my fault and not due to my dislikability and/or lack of value to society. 

This is flawed thinking, especially considering about 6% get admitted to the PhD programs and something like < 30% to the masters program. I know this is flawed thinking but intrinsically my subconscious is rebelling, likely as a form of self-preservation. So consciously I have to make a choice:

Do I let this self-preservation phenomenon take over or do I fight it. 

I have heard it said that bravery is not acting with out fear, but rather it is acting in spite of the fear. The person who is truly brave is the one who is afraid but does it anyway when they know it is the right thing to do.

...but then my brain will question, "is it really the right thing to do?" ...and then, armed with an army of Self-Sabotaging Soldiers, the Procrasti Nation starts to win the war...

...and now I have a whole new book to write:

The Art of War Procrastination.