Happy Halloween from Utah State University

 "I will never check myself into a mental health hospital," I tell Dr. She after she reminds me of the option. 

This conversation took place more than a year ago. It was had when I was still stabilizing with the help of accurate diagnosis, medication and my new medical team. I was not entirely in the clear and would still feel push back from my chemistry that had been surging out of control for months. I will admit there were times when I wished to be hospitalized and it would have been wise for my medical providers to have suggested it, even demanded it, and I technically needed it. 

But, as I have said, I am not likely to ever willingly check myself into any kind of mental institution or hospital. Why?

Parable time: Insane Asylums do not have the place they have in creepy, terrifying US Halloween culture for no reason. There are plenty of reasons. But the cold, hard, truth of the matter is, it was not the mentally ill patients that made the asylums terrifying. They may have made them uncomfortable, weird, bizarre, interesting, etc. but not terrifying. What made Asylums and mental institutions truly terrifying is how the  medical providers and staff -those who were regarded as sane, trustworthy and responsible- treated the mentally ill patients. The terror is in how the "stable" and "sane" treated the vulnerable and marginalized people who were as inflicted and in need of help, compassion, and treatment as any person in any regular medical hospital.

The problem I have with "mental" or "behavioral" hospitals, is that I have heard far too many horror stories of how people are treated currently by those who are considered and even highly regarded as stable, sane, and ethical.  So many bad experiences from people when they are broken and at their most vulnerable, injured, and in need of help. I have a heard some good stories but those are few and far between and seem to only be coming from patients who have significant financial resources.

It is a very sad reality I have been reminded of this Halloween season. 

It's even more tragic knowing the horrors USU psychology department, police department, Students services, even the Office of Equities and Disability Resource Center, etc has so needlessly inflicted on my family; the exact people who should, can, and are even paid to know better. Tragic and terrifying that we still allow this kind of crap.