I have been working with kids of all ages since I was a kid myself. Currently I am a licensed elementary school teacher although I am not teaching as a "teacher of record." Instead I substitute teach. Substitute teaching has it's own set of challenges but I often enjoy it and I have noticed and learned a lot from my experiences as a substitute teacher.
One interesting phenomenon I have observed is how the classroom management strategy of praise around works in elementary school versus junior high school.
"Praise around" is simply the act of praising the good behavior you see and want to encourage instead of focusing on the bad behavior you want to discourage. So if a child is doing something they should not be doing the teacher praises the kids in close proximity to the child that are doing what they should be doing in order to encourage the misbehaving child to notice and behave similarly. It is an extremely effective strategy with elementary school aged children.
However, in junior high, it is completely opposite. If you try that strategy with junior high students (and I have) the kids you are praising will turn on you. Sometimes the entire class will turn on you. I am not entirely sure why. My guess is it has to do with their developing and needing to develop increased independence. I also wonder if it is because they do not want you to believe that your approval matters and/or they want to be sure you know your place.
It's an interesting phenomenon and yesterday I realized that this phenomenon seems to apply to attorneys as well. It most certainly seems to apply to the prosecuting attorney I met with and thanked for treating me with decency last week. Because this week, what a turn around... and there were several condescending remarks and undertones that seemed to be directly related to the gratitude I shared with him about how he had treated me.
Now, to be clear, my intention in thanking him was not any kind of conscious effort to praise around. It may illustrate just how much our experiences, education, and careers influence every aspect of our life and it might help to illustrate how this can create and/or exaggerated misconceptions and misunderstandings between people in different demographics, but thanking him was not an attempt to utilize this strategy. However, the vibe and change in tone was so similar to what I have felt in the aforementioned junior high scenario that I couldn't help but make the connection. Even though my motive was sincerely out of gratitude and wishing to honor what has been missing far too frequently in not-just-my-life but our world in general right now, upon feeling what I did yesterday, I could have hit my palm to my falling forehead with an expression of, "Doh," because it was such a glaring mistake, albeit one of innocence and naivety, to have made.
Oh well, I guess. But I cannot blame myself and I am certain that, while this may have influenced a bit of his condescensions, it is not really evidence of my doing wrong so much as it is evidence of how prosecuting attorneys are conditioned and how much easier it is for people to continue with the perpetuation of harm when the harm is coming from their colleagues, peers, and individuals and institutions that are in positions of power than it is for them to actually stand up for the underdog and work to end the patterns of discrimination, injustice and wrongdoings and the cycles of victim blaming and shaming that are too prevalent in our societies and cultures... and that is a very sad thing...
... And one of the most obnoxious things about all of this is being expected to graciously accept there dismissiveness and condoning of wrongdoings against me because of the time they have invested into "listening."
and I am slipping again into wanting to yell and lash out. I have been starting to feel like I should start acting according to how I am being treated so that I am at least deserving of it in some way.
So thank you, you jackasses, for the time you have invested in dismissing and degrading me. You are so noble and intelligent to take so long to justify your colleagues mistakes and stupidity to yourself. Thank you!
There, trouble earned.
and at least I am laughing for a moment at myself, which I suppose is what I may need the most right now.
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