gaslighting?

I learned a new term today "gaslighting"
I feel intimidated and small, and I question myself.
I am not sure who I can trust and every effort takes immense courage.
But my efforts are being used against me.

...and even in things unrelated to where I feel that gaslighting may have happened
it takes immense courage to put myself out there
... even for the sake of my kids (maybe even more for the sake of my kids, because I don't want to screw things up for them)

Power Struggle?

He rubbed his right eye with his right middle finger
while listening to the song I played to help me express the feelings my mind was blocking me from  expressing
my transference feelings
the stuff that all the online research had told me I "should" discuss with my therapist
(and there it is that word "should" the mistake of my cherished golden map...)
The stuff that skilled therapists looked forward to as it meant their patient was ready to really start making progress.
Safe, trusted, responsible, skilled therapists
he was that to me... I knew he could help me
he was in the position of power
...but I was not willing to give that to him

There is something more to this story. 

How deep or diabolical it is I don’t know 

but I know that amidst the omens of gods and spirit animals 

it is not the time to drop a patient of psychotherapy