I'd rather Say It and be Wrong then Not Say It and be Right: beware of the Ups

Often e-mails I write turn into something entirely different then intended, that is just how I work. Today I want to share some bits of one that did just that.

"I find that I do great with just about everything, then don't maintain it and find myself at the bottom where I will start doing EVERYTHING at the same time again to get me up, which it does, but once again I can't maintain it and I come sliding back down (if not crashing). I believe that this is probably a pretty normal cycle but it is just a bit too extreme for me and good or bad my mind turns to death as the answer to everything even though I think it is a totally lame answer and I don't really agree with it or want to die. It is weird and hard to explain, I don't particularly care for it.
I have to admit, when medication starts working it is hard not to think that everyone could use it. I think that is me still holding on to a bit of pride and not wanting to be "different" as well as being genuinely concerned that someone else may be suffering needlessly.
I have mostly decided that one of my philosophy's is: I don't want to assume that I know how another person will take/use/need what I have to say, but if I know it is important I'll put it out there and let them be the judge for themselves. I'd rather say it and be wrong then not say it and be right."

Which brings me to a point I'd like to make, one that  I don't recall ever being warned of or educated on from any of the books I've skimmed and read, in any of the meetings I've had with various counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists, etc; It is something I have had to figure out on my own from both my own experience and the experiences of others. Yet it is a bit of information that I think could be profoundly helpful in preventing a whole lot of difficult and dreadful occurrence's. It is this: Beware of the ups.
The ups can be more dangerous and frightening if there is a chemical imbalance but until you have been through a few yourself or you have seen a few that are close to you, you really don't know what to watch out for or even to watch out at all.
So I want to say: If you find yourself cycling or rapid cycling, then beware of the ups, an overly inflated ego or sense of self, and/or euphoric type feelings. It is hard to think that there might be a problem when you are in an up but ups take many forms and since we are often feeling so good in an up it is all too often too late before we realize that things aren't quiet as they seem. Ups can also be impatience and a short fuse. Ups can even be narcissistic (I can do no wrong). Ups can give you the energy you need to fulfil desires for some of those not-so-good obsessions.
Ups can be good, but up or down or anywhere in between, we need a core set of value's, a sense of right and wrong that we can cling to even when that is not who we are at the moment. When we feel that we are not who or what we know we should be and/or genuinely want to be, we don't change our value's, we seek help. That is the mentally responsible thing to do.
Though I don't entirely know what was going on with my brother it is apparent that he died in an up cycle.
So if I've burst a bubble or two I am sorry, don't mistake what I am saying for "you can't be happy," but rather learn to recognize chemically induced ups. Then you will be able to find a happy that is genuine and lasting (and for some of us, quite refreshing- even if we may find ourselves asking if this might be a little boring ;)).

Choice and Friends- Two things I Love!

So yesterday I felt a sense of empowerment when I realized; I don't HAVE to take medication I CHOOSE to.
It is nice to feel happy and calm. I have to admit I may just be on an up swing, we'll see how I am next week. But for now it is nice to know that life does not have to be so difficult and we live in a wonderful time.
by-the-way I have a lot of good old friends and new friends and even new old friends and old new friends and I just wanted to say;
Thanks Friends!