Burden of Conscience

 To many things are going through my head about what I need write, document, cross-reference etc. that it is keeping me from sleeping. So I think, "Maybe I should just get it done right now since it is keeping me from sleeping. 

And this makes me nervous. Maybe in a PTS(D) kind of way... Because I still know and remember too well what happened last time things started keeping me up and preventing me from sleeping. 

I think I will be okay this go around because I have weathered many storms and I am NOT feeling the accompanying chemistry surgings but it is still a bit scary AND I need to sleep. 

So I opted to write out a few things that are keeping me up right now. 

1st: Their attorney. Blah. I need to respond to her last email in which she denied being deceptive as she was being deceptive. It was comical. And she went off about the evidence she presented to the Panel as if I had complained about things I had not complained about. I am baffled about why she went off about that and exactly what she thought my complaint was that she was addressing. What I think I am likely NOT baffled about is what her going off on that tangent suggests since my complaint was about her and IHC people being deceptive. 

She also claims she has been professional with me, or something like that. What gets me here is how I knew and she knows that she has done everything she can to cause stress to me. Apparently, I have learned these last few years, that is how attorneys "play the game" and crap like that. So they engage regularly and frequently in intentional inflictions of emotional distress and this is considered normal and acceptable among  attorneys. BUT intentionally inflicting emotional distress IS unscrupulous and illegal and thus a violation of the Attorney's Code of Ethic. Just because it is commonly practiced does not make it legal, ethical, or appropriate. It is beyond me how these practices are so widely accepted and excused. This is also part of why I will keep fighting. 

The other thing on my brain is how full of fallacies and inaccuracies the Panel's decision, facts, and opinions were. And what do I do about that? For the sake of patients and society it genuinely scares me  how much they dismissed, turned blind eyes to and excused. It is disturbing and unsettling that they so easily bought into the lies, deception and the slander and defamation of me. 

It's hard to know what to do. Do I try to offer corrections i.e. like by pointing out that there is no evidence to support IHC's claim that I had been told from the beginning that Dr. He would be limiting his therapy to 10 visits AND that the form and format he had started and was following with me would not be responsible to start with such a restrictive number of appointments AND this is well known by therapists... Do I try to stand up for myself i.e. by pointing out that I had NEVER been diagnosed with bipolar prior to seeing them and was not diagnosed with it until months after I had left their facility.

There is a lot of insanity and delusions in that write up directed to me about my experiences and what really happened but the insanity and delusions in it are not mine...

And just one more thing I'd like to say that is in my brain: Forgiveness does not relieve one of the obligation to report. I really wish it did, but it does not and the burden of conscience will not let you sleep when you know something and/or some people need to be reported and stopped.