Dr. Odd

I was able to get into a neurologist yesterday. He was a bit eccentric? Maybe odd? But he was very knowledgable and though he was a bit older he seemed very up to date on research etc.
He kind of suggested that most of the TBI treatments and medical care are a bit of a sham and/or a scam. He specifically named one I have mentioned without mentioning here on the blog, a facility that does FMRI's and makes a lot of claims about them. I am not terribly surprised by this. His statements match my impressions from when looked into them myself.
In trying to explain why I was there it was hard to explain what was going on and for how long, who really thought I needed to see a neurologist and why and even why I was not referred to a neurologist sooner.
He tells me the Neuroscience Institute's role is basically to decide when I should go back to work. Now remember Concussion Dr. was the one who had asked to be the overseeing physician over head injury and car accident related stuff. Since the last conversation I had with her about work was "we need to get you stable" but she then proceeded with trying to pass me off to others without a "proper referral" considering the condition I was in (I am told) I am confused by exactly what I should and am capable of. Now I know that sounds silly because they do not get to decide what I am and am not capable of and obviously they are not all that intelligent when it comes to me, but it still weighs on me and confuses my brain and heart because they are supposed to be the experts and I respected and trusted them as such ...even when it was clear, at least it would have been to a stabile fully rational brain, that I could not trust them and my best interest or even my interest at all was far for their concern. They really did not give a shit about me and they literally would have rather I faded away into the depths of bipolar despair that few escape without medical and psychological interventions.
But let's now circle back to Dr. Odd (the neurologist, I'd call him Dr. Eccentric but Odd is so much easier to type.)
As we discuss, he explains things to me:
1st: "the hipocratic oath is dead," he says... clearly this is true and it is very sad.
2nd: they teach a lot about avoiding relationships in med schools and psychology programs. They tell them never do this and avoid these types etc. and he emphasis how much it is emphasized to the point that it becomes frustratingly evident that we, the patients, are dehumanized quite a bit in their training and practice.
3rd: They teach a lot about transference and countertransference and they teach to avoid it like the plaque but there is very little, and with Dr. Odd's training it seems like no, training on what to do in the event it does happen. Thus the general consensus across the board seems to be "dispose of them" and do it quickly and completely, and don't look back.
This is very very wrong to me. It seems archaic and brutish and I am so shocked that these highly intelligent humanitarians could be so barbaric and immature in their reasoning and treatment of people. And as I have seen so many patterns like this on so many levels within our societies and culture it seems to me that we have not come nearly as far as we think in our humanity.
Dr. Odd also tells me about patients he said no to, that he told he could not treat -because they were too loose and/or seductive in appearance and/or personality. I feel annoyed with his comments about this because I am not and was not that type of person and yet I am being punished as if I had been.
And here I will chastise myself for that statement because even those ladies should not be mistreated, blamed, shamed, vilified and denied treatment (the way I was) if these elites of medicine and psychology are as elite as they say they are.
And now it becomes evident how far we have NOT come in the way we shame women and let men off...
Here I could take this now a million directions but I think I will throw a curve ball in:
I do wonder if I get along so well and relate easily to men because, in a way I relate to the massive amounts of self control men must have to self-regulate and behave accordingly in spite of their overwhelming sex drive. While for them it may be a sexual thing for me it is not so much. I relate to that when manic yes, but on average the raging sex hormones are not so much a problem for me but my duality is a bit more pronounced and obvious due to TBI and I have had to work very hard to manage that duality in order to be responsible, respectful, and a whole lot of other things. Now almost every girl has to learn to deal with the hormonal cycle that can cause greater intensity or emotions, so I am not unique there but my imbalances were definitely magnified and as a teen my duality was more pronounced. In comparison men, especially when they are teens have to work very hard to manage that lustful drive. Frequently they will be physically aroused and have to let it die without acting. Yet the world being what it is they can feed and indulge in all kinds of materials that will feed, magnify or easily warp that drive. They have to be diligent in there efforts to direct that drive constructively and be respectful to others boundaries.
My boundaries look different, and that may be both appealing and confusing, and I wonder if maybe there is something to that that makes friendships with men very easy and natural for me.
I don't know. It's a curve ball being thrown from a unstable pitcher, so who knows if it comes even close to hitting a target I have been so turned around and upside down by things this last year I am not even sure what the targets are anymore.
Back to Dr. Odd. He was Odd and has been 86ed from a bar (this is new term to me) and thinks that compares to being 86ed from a medical facility of the proclaimed specialist that really did have a responsibility and obligation to me. We both know it is not the same but at least he sympathizes with me and helps me understand just how broken and messed up the systems really are. And at least he can explain the ringing in my left ear and he is not downplaying or minimizing the tremors (and other issues) and he wants to do some test to see if we can better figure them out.
sighh